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I take a breath that shudders on the way in.
“I’m in love with him.”
Bastian’s expression doesn’t change.
I keep going. “We’ve been…together. Sort of. For a really long time.”
“Finn, what do you—”
“It wasn’t supposed to be a thing. It was casual, and nobody was supposed to know, and then he showed up two weeks before Thanksgiving and stayed at my apartment, and I—”
“He what?”
“Bastian.” Taylen’s voice is quiet but firm. “You don’t need to go all big brother on him. Not right now.”
Bastian’s jaw clenches.
I look at Taylen. He’s watching me with a gentle expression and gives me an encouraging small nod.
I turn back to Bastian.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen, but somewhere along the way, it stopped being casual, and I just— I love him. And I’ve been pulling away from him since the band came back from New York because I was so scared he was going to tell me he was leaving, which I already knew anyway, but I couldn’t bear to hear it. I was so scared of the answer I couldn’t ask a single question. And now he’s gone, and I—”
“Finn.” Bastian’s voice has softened. “Stop. Breathe.”
“But he’s gone.”
“You don’t know that.”
“He’s still been coming over every night. He’s been trying to get closer. And every night I’ve let him in, and I’ve made sure he didn’t stay because I didn’t want to be the one holding on if he wasn’t. This morning Noëlle told me he loves me, so I was going to talk to him today after the festival.”
Bastian’s hand comes up to my face and cups my jaw.
“You are one of the smartest people I know,” he says quietly. “But sometimes, little brother, you are also an idiot.”
“I know.”
“I just need to put it out there that if he hurts you, I am going to actually kill him.”
“Bastian—”
“But,”—he glances at Taylen over my shoulder and his mouth twitches—“it occurs to me that I cannot cast the first stone about falling for somebody I probably shouldn’t have.”
Behind me, Taylen makes a small sound.
I let out a wet laugh.
“So,” Bastian says, wiping my cheek with his thumb. “I’ll deal with my best friend being with my little brother. Right now, let’s figure out where he is.”
Nikko steps forward. His face is grim but not surprised. He looks at me for a long moment.
“Fox loves you,” he says. “You need to know that.”
I blink at him.
“What?”
“He told me. Right before we went to New York. I dragged it out of him at the lake because he’s been so skittish lately and I was getting worried.”