Page 44
“I get it, and I’ll be sure to mention that shit too.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I have a question for you. What does Emma think we, the club, do?”
“She hasn’t asked, and I haven’t offered. I have no doubt she has some questions, especially if I want to bring a baby around here, but she’s not naive either. She knows we don’t knit jumpers for a living.”
He grins. “Life sure would be easier if we did.”
“Are you kidding me? Like fuck would I give Dot knitting needles.”
19
Emma
It surprises me how quickly we fall into a new normal. The sickness gradually subsides with the medication, as I reach the seventeen-week mark. I can go back to work, though I drop my hours a little so I can still rest. Being stressed and overtired makes me feel a million times worse.
With the extra free time, I scour newspapers and social media for bargain baby things, which I fix up myself. An old-fashioned dark wooden swinging cradle is now a bright white with a gauzy lace netting that I repurposed. Same with a wooden chest that just needed sanding and a lick of paint. I’ve kept everything neutral for now, not knowing what we’ll be having. It’s been fun and makes me feel productive when money is tight.
On the bright side, I don’t have much space, so I don’t need much. The cradle, wooden chest to store blankets and things, and a small set of drawers with a baby changer on top will fit nicely in my bedroom. Anything else would be in the way. While the baby is small, it won’t be a problem, but somewhere down the line, I’m going to need to think about moving. Financially, that’s far beyond my means right now. Though I’ve put my name down for a council house, we won’t be a priority when there are families bigger than my tiny one. Hopefully, when the baby comes, I’ll be able to work something out so I can pick up more hours in the evening. Maybe a second job, cleaning early in the mornings, would help too. I’ll figure it out, and hopefully Lick will help me with childcare, which is the hardest to navigate. As it stands, childcare would cost more than I earn.
I sigh and stand up, stretching out the kinks. I stare down at the small toybox I’ve been stencilling with teddy bears. I won’t be winning any crafting awards anytime soon, but I’m happy with how it’s turning out. When my phone rings, I walk over to the sink, drop the paintbrush in it, then wash my hands and dry them. I grab the phone and answer without looking before they ring off.
“Hey,” Lick’s voice purrs, making me shiver. For as sick as I’ve been, I’d have thought sex would have been the last thing on my mind during this pregnancy. But my libido has been out of control since I stopped throwing up morning, noon, and night. Thankfully, Lick has been around to scratch every itch, which I’m extremely grateful for. Fuck knows how many batteries I’d have gone through if I had to rely on my vibrator.
“Hey, yourself. What are you up to?”
“I’m at Shooters. My manager and a bunch of staff are out with the flu, so I can’t get away.”
“That’s okay. I don’t expect to see you every night, Lick. You’re a busy guy.”
“Yeah, well, I hate being too busy for you.”
I grin. I can’t help myself. “We’ve spent every free minute we have together for the last month.”
“Yes, what’s your point?”
I take a seat at the table and pull my feet up to rest on the chair opposite. I grimace at the state of my swollen ankles. “Your dad said you’ll be going on tour in a couple of weeks.”
He’s quiet for a second before he sighs. “I wasn’t hiding it from you. I was trying to find a way to get out of it, but that’s not happening right now. Soon, though, I’m hoping I can scale that side of things back so I can stick closer to home.”
“But isn’t that your dream?”
“Once upon a time, sure. But that’s the thing about dreams, Emma, they change.”
“And you don’t want that anymore?”
“It’s not that I don’t want it. I got to do it for a while, and it was great. But it’s not something I want for the rest of my life. And that’s the beauty of dreams—you get to dream new ones.”
“So, what do you dream of now?”
“Babe, I’m already living the dream. I never knew I wanted the whole white-picket-fence thing until you came along, but now? I can’t think of anything I want more.”
I sniff and wipe my eyes, fighting the urge to pinch myself. Is this guy for real? I spent forever with a man whose idea of a compliment was telling me I might not be a supermodel, but I was pretty enough. As much as Lick’s words soothe some of my broken edges, I worry that he’s caught up in a moment when there is still so much time between now and forever. When I’m with him, I don’t think about the age difference, but when there is some space between us, the intrusive thoughts slip in. They start with the usual—people pointing and wondering what the hell he sees in me—and then they shift to the different stages we’re at in our lives. I don’t ever want to be the reason that he feels he missed out.
“Emma? You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here,” I reply. “I just zoned out.”
