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Still. Did that make up for the three years of parties, loud fucking all night, property damage and just general fratbro-douchiness that emanated from him? No. I didn’t think it did. I didn’t think it was enough to make me like him, even if he did make my dick hard.

“I mean, you clearly don’t hate him,” Nev said doubtfully, “if you’re so attracted to him that it made you realise—”

“You can be attracted to someone you don’t like,” I interrupted testily. “You can be attracted to total assholes. Wanting to fuck someone doesn’t mean you like them as a person.”

Nev’s eyes brightened. “You want to fuck him? Do you think he’s a bottom—”

“Nev.”

“Okay, sorry. I’m just saying, I know what you’re like. You might shoot yourself in the foot because you refuse to acknowledge that just maybe, you actually do like your neighbour.”

“I don’t,” I said flatly, grabbing several bags of tortilla chips and shoving them into my basket.

“But maaaybeee…” Nev trailed off questioningly.

“Nope.”

“He awakened your queer side! The best side!” Nev protested. “For that alone, doesn’t he deserve to be moved from the ‘Rafe hates’ category to at least the ‘Rafe tolerates’ category?”

“Nah.”

Neville grunted. “You are so frustrating.”

“He still hasn’t fixed my fence.”

He burst out laughing. “Holy crap, dude. That fucking fence. Why don’t I just come over at the weekend and fix that stupid fence? Phil will help,” he added, referring to his older brother.

“No,” I said stubbornly. “It’s the principle. He broke it, he fixes it.”

“Didn’t an orc break it?”

“Yeah, his orc friend, at one of his parties.”

“Okay, okay.” Nev rolled his eyes, then suddenly sucked in an excited breath and grabbed my arm. “Oh my god, I just thought of something. There’s somewhere we have to go after this.”

I made a face and pulled out my phone to glance at the time. “I can’t be late for work, Nev.”

“It’s right near here. It’s fine.” He waved a hand then hurried toward the cash registers. “We’ll have time.”

I huffed and gave my friend an affectionate smile as I followed him. “Sure. Let me guess,” I joked with an amused snort, “you’re taking me to a gay sex shop or something.”

Chapter Nine

Time for a Wet T-Shirt Competition!

Rafe

He took me to a gay sex shop.

“I just think we should celebrate!” Nev insisted as he pushed open the unmarked door in the basement to the secret part of the store for non-humans. “Forget the Big Dick Dan stuff—we need to mark your coming out and newfound love of dudes. I’ll help you pick something, bro.”

I looked around as we entered the room, not sure whether to be scared or intrigued. It was very dark and moody, with the occasional red strobe light and thumping music that I could feel in my bones. Floating white shelves seemed to glow in the low lighting, all of them displaying a range of sex toys for non-humans. Tentacle dildos the length of my thigh. Butt plugs the width of my fucking head. Anal beads with goddamn spikes on them.

There was an entire range of products that promoted its use of incubus pheromones: lube, massage oil, poppers, fake cum refills for ejaculating dildos. The far wall showcased the shop’s range of blow-up sex dolls for different species: fae, werewolves, orcs, and hybrids like fauns and centaurs. I snorted when I saw the ghoul one, with its sickly grey skin, dark fingernails and shadowed eyes.

“So.” Nev clapped his hands with enthusiasm, looking around. “What are we thinking?”

“We?” I snorted. “I’m not thinking anything. I don’t need a new sex toy.”