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I walk through the back door and keep going.

“Logan!”

Mom calls after me, but I don’t stop.

My Harley is parked in her barn. I haven’t ridden it in more than a year, but the engine starts on the first try.

Sean appears in the doorway as I swing my leg over the seat.

“Get off the bike.”

“I need to go.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

“Move.”

“No.”

Something inside me snaps.

I climb off the bike and hit him.

His head jerks back, but he doesn’t retaliate.

“Move, Sean.”

“You can hit me all night. You’re still not riding out of here.”

I swing again.

This time, he catches my arm.

Holt runs into the barn, followed by two more members of our team. They surround me as if I’m a threat that needs to be contained.

Maybe I am.

“I should have been with them!” I shout.

Sean shoves me backward. “And you think killing yourself on that motorcycle will bring them back?”

“I don’t care!”

My voice echoes through the barn.

Mom stands in the doorway.

One hand covers her mouth. Tears run down her face.

I hate myself for hurting her, but I don’t know how to stop. There is too much pain inside me. It claws at my chest and burns through my veins.

I want it gone.

I want everything gone.

“I don’t care if I live,” I tell Sean. “Do you understand me? I don’t care.”

His grip tightens around my shirt.