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The apartment felt too quiet. I munched on my crackers and looked at the place I loved with fresh eyes. I’d lived alone for years and never minded it before. Did I have room for a baby and the mountain of stuff the kid would need? I needed to think about my living situation.

But before that, I needed to figure out my employment situation. Shit. Had I made the worst mistake of my life? It hadn’t even occurred to me that I found out I was knocked up and then quit my job. That wasn’t exactly responsible parenting.

I thought about calling Gram. She’d know what to do. She always knew what to do. But I couldn’t face that conversation either. Not yet. Gram would ask questions. I’d have to tell her about the baby.

I wasn’t ready to tell anyone I actually knew. Every stranger I encountered knew but not the people that mattered.

I curled up on the couch with the throw blanket and stared at the wall. I’d built my entire career around him. My entire life, really. And now I’d walked away from all of it.

What was I supposed to do now?

36

JEREMY

The shoot was torture. Every second felt like an hour, every setup an eternity. Sebastian, true to his word, had the crew assembled before dawn. The sun was barely cresting the mountain peaks when I hit my mark for the first shot. He promised to fill in the sunlight with his editing program.

Worked for me.

“Let’s make this count,” Sebastian called out, his breath fogging in the frigid air. “We’ve got a tight window, people. I want every frame to be perfect.”

I forced myself to take every direction the first time. Every pose, every expression, every subtle shift of my body were what the photographer called for. I wasn’t doing it for the campaign or for Blackwell Couture. I was doing it because the faster we finished, the faster I could get to Lucy.

I’d spent the night thinking about babies. My baby. It was both terrifying and exciting. There were so many things that could go wrong and even more that could go right. A baby that looked like a combination of the two of us. I envisioned soccer games and prom. Graduation.

Sebastian kept glancing at me between setups, probably checking to see if I was going to fall apart or make a run for it. I wasn’t.

But if the shoot didn’t end soon, I didn’t rule it out. I held it together through sheer force of will and the knowledge that falling apart wouldn’t get me any closer to her. Sebastian promised we’d be done by noon. It was after noon. I needed to go.

“That’s incredible, Jeremy,” Sebastian said after a particularly intense series of shots. “Whatever you’re channeling right now, keep doing it.”

I didn’t tell him I was channeling desperation. The intensity in my eyes came from imagining Lucy’s face when I finally found her.

By two o’clock, we’d captured everything Sebastian needed. He reviewed the images on the monitor, nodding slowly, a satisfied smile spreading across his face.

“We got it,” he said. “These are going to be stunning.”

“Then I’m out of here.”

He didn’t argue. He just clapped me on the shoulder. “Go get her.”

Bernadette appeared with my coat and bag, already packed and ready. “The car’s waiting.”

My plane would already be fueled and ready by the time I got to the airport. If I could have a plane fly from the village to the airport, I would have done it. Unfortunately, it was a long ride.

“Thank you. Both of you. For everything.”

“Go get her,” Bernadette said. “And Jeremy? Be patient with her. Whatever she’s going through, she needs to know you’re on her side. I don’t think she left because she wanted to hurt you.”

I ran to the waiting SUV, slipping and sliding across the snow. I rehearsed what I’d say when I found her. I ran through scenarios and conversations, trying to anticipate her objections, her fears, and more importantly, her reasons for leaving.

None of my rehearsed speeches sounded good. She’d see right through the speech. I had to speak from the heart. The only thing I absolutely needed to tell her was how much I didn’t mean what I said in that interview.

I’d said what I thought I was supposed to say, not what I actually felt. I needed to tell her that the idea of having a family had never appealed to me because I’d never found anyone I could imagine building that life with.

Until her.

She was the missing piece.