Page 82
We walk on and I try to figure out the answer. “I didn’t want anyone to tell me it was dumb.”
“For someone who is usually loud, loves narrating your whole life and doesn’t care what people think, you’re making a lot of weird quiet decisions.”
I squeeze my sister’s hand then drop it. “I thought all the noise was what mattered.” She pulls up directions on her phone. “And what makes you think I don’t care?”
She takes my hand again and doesn’t let go. We weave our way back through the streets toward the hotel.
“Where’s he now?”
“Last day in Prague.”
“Can I read some of what he writes or is it personal?”
“No. Nothing personal, just stuff about traveling or what’s up with our parents.”
“And you like him?”
“Jury’s out.” We find a cozy spot in the lobby in a tatty chair. The smell of gas from their imitation fireplace is overwhelming in the attempt to appear homey. I read some of the blog to Courtney while she procures sandwiches and shitty red wine. Reading them out loud, it’s hard not to put intention behind his words.
“He’s funny. I always thought so but never brought it up since you know…”
“I hated him. About that…”
She tosses her legs over the edge of this lobby couch and leans back. “He was doing what you didn’t have the balls to do?”
“Fuck off. Is there more of the pink stuff? Which might be melon, might be something else.”
“Let’s call it melon. And here.” She pushes a plate toward me.
“What’s on the agenda for tomorrow?”
“Getting lost in a park and looking for a tree in a haystack,” I say shutting my laptop and tucking away my phone.
“Explain this signpost, spirit animal thing again. How about we just go to a spa?”
I shove the pink fruit in my mouth and shake my head no. I need to know my path is real and that fucking tree is all I’ve got right now. And an endless parade of questions from my mom.
MOM: I insisted there not be pastels, since they wash you out. Not like Courtney who looks good in them. You look better in saturated colors. But there’s an ongoing debate that the color scheme will look too garish if we saturate the colors. Please weigh in.
MOM: And Birdie is getting very antsy and asked me to ask you if Zane could please call her.
KAT: Whatever your gut says to do, do the opposite.
And this is not something I’m going to shoulder alone.
Chapter 39
All Along The… Clocktower
ZANE
Prague
Zane!
I got lost tonight. Like legit lost and then it all turned out ok. Why is everyone so afraid of being lost? It’s not like you’ll disappear forever. Anyway- Here’s a fun game- Call your fucking mother!
I’m so tired of mine telling me to tell you that your mother would like a call. Not sure what your disconnect is but I have a very busy couple of days and no time to field more of this shit. I’ll wrangle mine if you wrangle yours.
