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The café is bustling, and I don’t know if it’s because the food is good, the town pities me or if it’s not actually busy. I can’t tell anymore. I’m trying to get back into the rhythm of life, like by doing these muscle memory things might be the defibrillator to shock me out of being a zombie.

“Auntie Poppy!” I turn and see my niece Sadie running toward me. Somehow, David’s daughter ended up looking exactly like me. Thick red curls, not quite auburn but brighter with some gold in them. Her green eyes are lighter than her father’s and look just like mine and our Great Aunt’s whom this little girl is named after. Her freckles are light and not obvious, like her Aunt Becca’s. She has that slight build to her, like me. A little more delicate than both of my cousins. I hope she’s taller than me, but I like that twinning thing we got going on.

I pick up the little girl who is getting a little too big to pick up. David and his wife Natalie are on her heels, crossing the patio to me. Baby Rian strapped to my cousin’s chest. The flaming red hair tufted out of the baby carrier and trailing behind Sadie in a messy loose braid. The red hair gene is strong in my family.

I give Sadie a little warmer smile than anyone else. She twirls around and bounds from table to table like she’s looking for something. I cock my head and smile at her quizzical look. It’s my first genuine smile since.

“Where’s Uncle Sal?” I reflexively look for him at a table he liked in the corner. Well, there goes that smile. Suddenly, I can’t hold back, my mouth dropping open and eyes filling. Natalie rushes to Sadie, whisking her away to her father. Then places a hand on me, taking the rag from my hand.

Natalie says, “Go pick out some gelato! Go with Daddy, please.”

Sadie yells. “Yeah! Imma have stash and raspberry. That’s what we always have.” I hold my stomach. That was Sal’s favorite, and he always had it with her. Sadie and Josh’s oldest daughter were the only ones to call him Uncle Sal. It was the only outward acknowledgment that we were together. He loved those little girls.

Natalie pushes me into a chair and turns me away from the rest of the café.

She’s the one who takes care of everyone and knows what we need usually before we do. She places a glass of ice-cold water in my hand and I sip. I stare at her arm as I speak.

“That’s it, isn’t it?”

I look up at her. Natalie’s eyes are enormous, blue, and kind. Not sympathetic but kind. “What is, Pop?”

“I’m going to spend my life looking for him in all the spaces? He’ll never be gone because he was all over here. Visions of him are indelibly stamped everywhere. Our life was here. And I’m never going to heal as long as there’s a specter of him covering my world.”

“Poppy, in time, these will be the places you might feel the most connection to him. The places that comfort you.”

I’m staring at the sidewalk and Jims is strolling up. He sees Natalie and then turns into a shop.

I say softly, “You’re taking turns watching me.”

“Yes.” Natalie never lies.

I glance at the collection of redheads and tuck my own into a messy bun on top.

Nat smiles and glances at her family and back at me. “I was hoping one of them would end up blonde.”

I grin, “Si tratta sempre del sangue.”

She takes my hand again. “What’s that mean?”

“It’s something Sal used to say about many things but often about his work or the ‘Five.’ It’s always about the blood.”

Chapter

Seven

Poppy

Day 16 (PS)

“Tabi, you can go. Becca, I know your shift isn’t up, but I could use a moment alone.”

They don’t move. I can see Brick outside mowing my lawn again. It’s immaculate. He’s taken Sal’s loss hard. He does all my yard work, fixes wobbly tables at the café, and bakes a lot of banana bread for me. I pick up a small carved bird and hold it close. They watch me. Details of our life together spill of out of me randomly. I have no filter.

“We had to have code names for his security team like the President.”

“Really?”

Tabi offers, “I’ll bet our resident cyber genius had that idea. Mel’s tricky like that.” Mel, our cyber warrior, has taught us all how to hide digitally.