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I cover the phone and say to her, “Run the doors. No one gets in until the new seating chart and place cards.”
“Fuck, there’s a new one? Does Jimmy have it?” I shift the cradled phone as Ethan keeps talking. I nod.
“And Meg. Find my fucking bluetooth headset.” She gives me a thumbs-up, and I bolt away. She’s the best. I initially hired Meg to create and run the film lab of ChiKid, but now she’s my assistant director. It’s necessary to grow the program. Meg’s presenting a new tract to the mayor’s office that will focus on cooking and cultivating sustainable farm-to-table gardens throughout the city. We want to teach kids they can accomplish anything, including feeding their families.
He’s shouting at me. “Mom! Did you hear me?”
“Yes. I did, Ethan. But I’m distracted. This is crazy important tonight. You know this. Enjoy California. You wanted to stay this long. Live with your choices.”
He starts whining again. I catch up with a group of cater waiters heading into the cocktail party in about ten minutes. I cover my phone.
“Circulate. And hit the back of the room first. And if you see the mayor, don’t crowd him. I know he’s a Latinx hottie, but trust me, you’ll all get a chance to offer him a salmon puff.” They laugh and I put my phone back up to my ear as I walk away.
“…you said it, and you always stand by your word.”
“E. I stand by my word. I love you, Bear. I have to go. Call you later.”
“Mom! Don’t hang up on me.”
I’m going to kill him.
“Stop being selfish right now. You know how long I’ve worked for this. Figure it out. You’re a smart kid. Come up with a solution. I love you.”
“Love you, too. Fine. I’m going to do it, ok?”
“Do what you need.” Whatever it is, his father can deal with it. I hang up and turn toward the room. Meg has her iPad open, directing the staff. The smarmy accounting guy puts his hand on my shoulder. I shirk him off and smile.
“Merry Christmas, dear Jillien. Was Santa good to you?”
My hand goes to the necklace around my neck. My Liam touchstone. I rub over the date with my thumb. I smile at him and say, “Very good. We’re not quite ready for seating.”
“I wanted to share a moment with you.”
“That’s sweet, but my answer is still the same. We work in the same building. I’m flattered.” No, I’m not, but I need his help with an upcoming project. And something occurs to me. Something that’s not a lie. My belly flutters at the thought. My fingers tingle as I touch the goosebumps that just formed. “And I’m seeing someone, and it’s serious.”
32
LIAM
Greystones and brick three-flats line her street, then there’s a strange little brick and black farmhouse with a gabled roof. The door is a bright modern blue, mixing the turn of the century style of the house with the heart of my girl’s modern spirit. I wouldn’t need the address to know this is where she lives.
Here’s the thing about Chicago so far. It’s fucking cold. I was cold inside the car. I’m a big guy. Being this cold doesn’t happen. And when the hell did I begin to think of her as my girl?
That sneaky little spontaneous minx was always in my heart, but now it’s all shifted. I can’t stop wanting her and feeling like everything perfect is so close. That this feeling can’t possibly be wrong or will end. I’m a fool, but I hope she’s just as foolish. My sister’s story, although I’m trying not to believe it at all, snuck in my thoughts last night. There’s a sliver of me that can’t decide whether to ask her about whether she was lonely. Or how she got this house.
I climb the stairs and find the hide-a-key easily. The door opens, and I’m surrounded by her life. All the things she didn’t tell me and all the things I know. A lacrosse stick propped in the corner and a bench with two sets of rubber boots tucked underneath. The overwhelming scent of ginger and lotus almost knocks me to my knees. I set my things down and proceed quietly. I know she’s not here, but I call out anyway.
“Jill? Jillien?” No answer. I walk through the archway opening to the right into her living room. It’s not my style. There’s not a botanical-themed Persian rug to be had. But it’s gorgeous and impeccable. Sleek lines of black leather couches and oversized fluffy, lush area rugs combine to offset the wide plank farmhouse floors stained in a deep walnut. The house is open, each room flowing into the other. Her kitchen opens to the dining area, quirky with odd pops of blue that match the front door. When I look back, I see a small bottle and a throw pillow the exact same shade of blue. She’s woven it all together with space and harmony without manipulating everyone who enters. Nothing screams, “Look at me, I’ve been designed.” And yet, each moment and piece has been carefully curated. A large picture of Jill and Ethan laughing at some inside joke takes center stage in the dining area. It’s a black and white photo that somehow warms the space around it. She’s so breathtakingly beautiful and he’s so joyous. I don’t know how I feel about him. I don’t know if I’ll like him or he’ll like me, but I know I want to try. I want to make him laugh like that. I want to be part of a moment like that or even just an observer. There’s a note on the simple rustic farm table, illuminated by a highly sculptural and complicated chandelier.
L,
I’m hustling. There’s liquor in the hidden cabinet in the wall. Push on the small blue knob. I converted one of those old ironing board wells. There’s beer in the fridge and I made a charcuterie plate. We have reservations at Rose Mary at eight. I’ll be home well before so we can undress and then dress for dinner.
I’ve missed you. 31 hours felt like forever.
Xo, J
PS. Please get naked, so I can climb on top of my favorite ride immediately.
