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“Yes, small, clever blonde American.”

“I think you’re funnier than you’re letting us know.”

“Perhaps, but someone needs to maintain some decorum.”

I think he looks as charming as Americans think Hugh Grant is. I fill his glass up and his fabulous smile erupts. This weekend was supposed to be chocolate and Netflix with my nieces, but my perfect sister is forcing me to go on a blind date for fucking Valentine’s Day. “Trisssian. Teel us a secrets.” Damn that wine.

Tris says, “Not so clever after some wine. Ok, I’m not who you think I am.”

Tabi makes a fart noise with her mouth. “LAME. Super fucking lame. I really need pickles or capers. Like a salty, juicy thing. But for now, tell me something juicy.”

Rory rolls his eyes and Jonathan and I crack up.

“You first.” Jonathan is a wall of farmer muscle. I’m sure he’s not drunk; he’s enormous, it would probably take a straight week of drinking to get him buzzed. He’s a white blond mountain.

Tabi sips, then says, “I was once the object of a senatorial sex scandal. Drink up, bitches!” She grins as if she’s thrilled this happened to her.

Rory raises his water to her. “Not surprising.”

Ben looks at her and says, “Holy shit. I’ve been living in the states. I know this—it’s a rather dirty tale.”

Tabi sloshes her wine around. “Everyone knows it.”

I jump up. “Tabitha Aganos! Baxter Schroeder. Shit. I knew I knew you. THE FUCK IT LIST!” I say reverently.

“The list.” She nods and shoves cheese in Jonathan’s mouth. He laughs and swallows it whole.

She points to the other men. “Bax is my husband, so it’s all cool, you judgy Brits. New game: for each tale someone tells, I’ll send you a case of wine. And I’ll send you a case of lemons, Rory sour-face.” He smirks. “Or a case of chocolate of your choice.” He raises an eyebrow and silently toasts her with his bottle of water.

“I’m moving home because I’ve bought a company I’ve never seen before. I’m totally going to fail. And I prefer red,” Ben says.

Tristan says, “Atta boy.” He raises his glass and drains the whole thing in like one sip, and I can’t look away from his big lips. They’re huge. I don’t like huge lips. Maybe they’re not. I squint my eyes to stare and see if they really huge lips and Tab interrupts my brain.

She points at me. “Hmm, Sabrina Faire, get to talking.”

And somehow, having spent only four hours with these people, I’m closer to them than my actual friends. “I award scholarships to people at the Art Institute and I don’t know the difference between Degas, Monet, or Manet. My sisters usually find me invisible. And I don’t date because men either make me feel small or run. Or I try to change myself to date them.” Wow, that little therapy piece slipped out. I slam my hand over my mouth.

Tabi leans towards me and says in the calmest voice she’s used yet, “That’s all bullshit, you know? Red, white, or mixed?”

I nod and grin. “Red, please.”

Rory nudges me to eat some cheese. I shove some crackers in my mouth. I could use some brothers in my life. I smile at him, then look at the group. “And I have a blind date on Valentine’s Day with a man named after a penis.” Everyone starts laughing.

Tabi says, “You going for two cases?”

Jonathan blurts out, “I’m not sure I’m not still in love with the love of my life and if she was my everything.”

Ben says, “Good thing you’re getting married.”

“She’s not the one I’m talking about.”

The five of us scream, “Oh!”

I blurt out, “Snap, that’s rough.”

Tabi leans over to Jonathan. “Do you want me to give you all the wine for your wedding?” He nods, smiling. “Then marry the right girl.”

He’s still nodding. “I will. That was drunk talk. She’s long gone, and I love Tanya.”