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The Cowboy’s Long Lost Christmas Bride

Page 49

by Megan Crane

“You don’t know how much this means to me, Ruthie, but I am—”

“No,” she whispered. “I do know what it means to you.”

He smiled. “I know. Because I told you. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter that you can’t remember. It wouldn’t matter if you couldn’t remember anything, including your own name. I love you. I’ve always loved you. Since the moment I saw you.” He kissed her again, then ran his thumb over her mouth like he wanted to feel the kiss a second way. “You’re it for me, Ruthie. It’s you or no one. That’s the beginning and the end of it.”

Ruthie knew that she would have loved hearing that even if she’d woken up with no memories at all. She loved hearing it now, but it felt especially poignant. Because she knew, deeply, how much he meant it.

And she also knew exactly what he was holding on to inside of him.

“I remember,” she told him, tipping her head back and moving closer, so he could wrap her up in his arms. “I remember you walking into that bar, so cocky. I thought, who the hell does that guy think he is?” She shook her head. “And then you looked straight at me and I figured, well, whoever the hell he is, he’s coming home with me.”

Dallas blinked, like he wasn’t sure he could believe what he was hearing. Like it couldn’t possibly be what he thought she was saying.

Ruthie moved closer and indulged her need to get her hands on that spectacular abdomen of his. “And I was not the kind of girl who thought things like that. One who didn’t even make it home that night and committed acts that would shock my pastor in the back seat of the very same car that’s parked outside.”

“Ruthie…” he bit out, sounding almost strangled.

She kept going. “But it was you. It was always you, Dallas. It’s still you.”

He shook his head, like he couldn’t take it in. “I can’t… You—”

But she wasn’t done yet. “And just to be clear, no. I didn’t date anyone, traumatic or otherwise, while we were apart. That’s not something that was ever going to be possible for me. Because that whole time, I was waiting for you to come get me. And you didn’t. If you were done with me, there was no point pretending that I could be good with anyone else.”

He whispered her name again, like a prayer. “When did you…?”

“It wasn’t the kiss,” she told him softly. “And it wasn’t the fact that you’re magical in bed, though of course, you are.”

She smiled at that, and was pleased when he smiled back.

“I think that after all that time, and all those years, I finally fell asleep in your arms and woke up with you all around me.” When he stared back at her, his eyes wide, she realized that her eyes stung, and probably—almost certainly—tears were tracking down her cheeks, too. She didn’t care. “I felt safe. I haven’t felt safe like that in so long, Dallas. You’re the only thing that’s ever made me feel that way and I think that’s what it took for my brain to give me back what I lost.”

“You remember,” he said, his voice gone hoarse. “You really remember.”

“I do,” she said, and she thumped him straight in his chest, making him laugh in surprise—then he covered her hand with his.

“What was that?” he asked, the way he’d always asked. The way she hoped he’d ask a thousand times again.

“I completely reject your characterization of yourself,” she told him. “You were never a bad man, Dallas. You were never abusive or mean. I should never have poked at you like that, and I really think I did it just so you would explode, because I knew that you were going to sooner or later. If we have a baby—”

And she saw the look of stunned delight in his gaze then. She wanted to bask in it, but she needed to say more.

“—when we have a baby,” she corrected herself, “we’re going to do it because we want that baby desperately. Because we want to be parents. And because we know, deep down, that we can do it with so much joy that it will make all the hard parts worth it.”

For a moment they both stood there, gazing at each other as the future they’d given up on spooled out in front of them again, shinier this time. Brighter.

But theirs for the taking, if they could hold on to it—and each other—this time.

Ruthie was going to make sure they did.

“What do you mean you were waiting for me?” he demanded after a moment, still with that dazed, happy look on his face—but also like he was trying to find his footing. “You told me you never wanted to see me again.”

“I didn’t think you’d listen to that,” Ruthie retorted. “Of course, I didn’t mean it.”

“I told you where I was. You could have reached out at any time.”

“After I told you to leave me alone forever?” She shook her head. “I thought you got a taste of it, thought that felt like the right thing, and were only too delighted to live without me.” He started to argue, but she thumped him again, with a lot less force since he was still gripping her hand. “I’m guessing that might have a lot to do with an attachment issue or two. Probably not unexpected for someone with my history. I just wish I’d known that then, so I didn’t take it out on you.”

“Ruthie,” he said, reverently this time. And then he whispered her name again, and again. “This has got to be a dream. I’ve had this dream so many times. But this time, I swear, waking up is going to kill me.”