Page 5

Ruki’s eyes perked up, and he smiled warmly. It surprised Jun. “As of now, yes. Things are finally coming together after figuring out what I needed to do. It took a lot of planning. Time management. Patience.”

He rested his arms on the table and drew closer. A silver band attached to his necklace slipped out from underneath his shirt. Jun was surprised Ruki still wore it since high school graduation.

“It was rough at first, but I think I’m okay with where I’m at now.” His dark eyes never faltered from Jun’s gaze as if there was nothing else to look at but him. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?” Jun asked, nibbling another bite of tofu.

Ruki slumped his arms back onto his lap and averted his gaze shyly. “For being here.”

Jun should have been happy to hear this from him, but for some reason, his eyes started to well. He had worked hard to suppress those urges, but it never got easier. “Was it rough?” He asked.

“Rough?” Ruki questioned.

“Like, was it hard dealing with all of that by yourself?” Jun found himself choking on his words. He swallowed, locked his head down, hoping Ruki wouldn’t see the tears forming.

What felt like an eternity passed when he heard Ruki answer, “It was.”

“Then you could have asked me.” The words spilled from his lips before he realized he even said them.

“What?”

Jun’s mouth went dry. Before fear made him swallow his thought, he took his chance. He had to speak up. “You can always talk to me. If you are ever in trouble or need help, you can talk to me, you know?”

“Of course,” Ruki breathed. “I know that.”

“Then why didn’t you?” A memory flashed across Jun’s mind of a different incident on the science building rooftop during their graduation. He didn’t want this moment to be another sad core memory of Ruki. The knot came back to his throat, choking him between words. “Why didn’t you say anything after all this time?”

“Why did you shut yourself in your room for three months?” Ruki countered, his words pinning Jun in place. “Something must have made you become like that. What was it? You didn’t reach out to me.”

“It’s because of—” Jun couldn’t say it. If he did, he would burst into tears. You.

A high-pitched chirp interrupted them. Ruki’s phone rang. Neither addressed it. Eventually, Ruki yanked it out of his pocket. He scanned the screen, lips forming a deep frown the more he read whatever was on it. Ruki took a deep breath, then shoved the phone back into his pocket. “I gotta go.”

Jun’s heart almost stopped. It was already way too soon. “Is it your new work or something?”

“Something like that, yeah.” When Ruki looked up, his dark eyes were glassy. “I’m so sorry, Jun. If I had all the time in the world, I would talk to you forever, but I have to leave right now.”

“It’s okay,” said Jun, his voice cracking. He thought he would be okay if they had to part again, but he wasn’t. Every moment felt half-held. He didn’t know when he would see him again. The past three months left Jun in complete agony with nothing from Ruki. “If you gotta go, you gotta go. I don’t want to hold you back with whatever you’re doing.”

Ruki shot him an intense look. “You aren’t, and you never will be. Please remember that.” Ruki tugged at the ring around his necklace as he slowly got out of his seat. He reached over and grabbed Jun’s tray. “Take care of yourself, Jun. Remember to ask Alex if you need anything. He’s a good guy.”

But Jun didn’t want to ask Alex. He wanted to grab Ruki and beg him not to go. Jun could only reach his hand out slightly. “Will I see you again?”

Ruki’s lip quivered into a small smile. “If you do, I’ll atone for everything I’ve done.” His gaze lingered on Jun a little longer before he turned towards the tray return station and disappeared into the crowd.

Jun slumped in his seat. His shoulders sagged. His heart weighed him down to the pits of his stomach. He wasn’t sure if his interaction with Ruki was real. There were almost no signs or evidence that they actually met. He replayed their entire conversation, hoping it would ingrain in his memory. Every single word. Every single gesture.

“I’ll atone for everything I’ve done.”

Jun didn’t understand what he meant by that. Was it because Ruki was aware that he didn’t reach out this whole time? If that was the reason, it should have made Jun happier, but his heart felt heavy with sadness. If Ruki was ashamed, then he could have reached out. Unless something happened during his disappearance that’s still happening now. But no explanation came to mind. Jun had no idea if he’d ever escape the darkness that loomed over that question.

Jun reached into his pockets for his phone. For a distraction. Nothing in either pocket of his sweatpants or hoodie. He silently cursed at the ceiling. No stimulation in a stressful situation wasn’t as bad as having no way to send a message. He let out an exasperated sigh. He hoped by some miracle he could find Alex, go home, and wallow in regret for not speaking up. Again.

When Jun got out of his seat, a high-pitched scream shot through the crowd. Everyone around him went silent until someone shrieked:

“Oh my God! He’s got a gun!”

Everyone scattered, running and screaming in every direction.