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How many times had I wished for the end of this chaos?

And now, possibly offered it, I couldn’t abandon everyone.

But I admitted to standing there a long time, mind whirling, before turning away and tromping back downstairs. I passed the sleeping hellhound guards, they barely twitched, which was either a good sign or a very bad one, and glared at the dim library shelves, looking for purpose.

The closed alcove to the magical books hummed with magic as I walked by, a jarring pressure that set my teeth on edge. I hesitated, wondering if something had changed, then slid through the closed door.

The room swirled. And oddly, it felt familiar, like it had the first time I’d ever been in here. Only now I understood what I was seeing.

Motes. Memories. Snippets of the weave itself, tied to tomes like ancient prisons.

I gaped at the book that sang to me. The one that would become my anchor if all that remained was a few fading pieces of my soul after Erlik got done chewing on my remains. I took a step back.

Going through the door upstairs would be better than this, right?

Even if nothing existed for me beyond that door, the finality had to be better than enslavement to whatever bumbling idiot fate might bring to this place to solve their problems.

I refused to become someone else’s magical plot twist. Angel wouldn’t want that. Even if that meant he followed me to the beyond.

I backed out, hands clenched into fists, gaze searching the library for options. Leaving would eat at my energy, but I couldn’t stay either. Nat might haunt this world between worlds, but it was beginning to feel like another prison to me.

With a deep breath, I closed my eyes. Where to go? The apartment? The bakery? The SED to find Angel, even with SV variants everywhere? I hated this helpless feeling as much as I hated the idea of being nothing but a floating dust particle.

I was a ghost, dammit. I could go anywhere. Do anything. Well, mostly. I wasn’t certain how much I could physically manipulate, but I’d gotten good at opening doors, and going through them burned less energy.

I shifted my presence to home, needing to check on Ivan as Angel pointed out my kid brother’s proclivity for haunted printers and playing with magic he didn’t yet understand. Ivan curled up on the couch instead of in his room, Peanut Butter on his chest, but he lurched up the second he saw me.

“Hey,” I said.

He sucked in a breath and threw himself at me, unseating the cat, and clinging for a few seconds.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. I hadn’t been gone that long, and I could sense the murder twins in the hall. Ivan was as safe as I could make him at home, surrounded by Beau’s magic, and Xavier’s goons.

“I don’t want you to go,” he breathed into our touch, his arms wrapped around me like a vise.

Had his power shown him the door opening for me? “Not planning too, Ivy.” I assured him.

“Beau says I can’t fix it.”

“Not your job to fix me. But I promise I’m working on it.”

He held me for another long minute without saying anything while Peanut Butter swirled around our feet, meowing his assurances, too.

“Don’t follow,” Ivan whispered. “You need to trust me.”

“Okay. I’ll trust you as long as you understand I need you to be safe.”

“I’d rather it be me than you.”

“We’ll agree to disagree on that one,” I said. I held him for a long time. “Maybe you should get some actual sleep? Yeah?” I patted his back and tugged him toward his room. “Peanut Butter will be right here with you.”

He let me lead him, though stared at me with teary eyes before finally letting me go. Once he crawled into bed, Peanut Butter on his pillow, wrapped around his head, I closed the bedroom door and wondered if it was safe to leave him. But the twins lingered in the hall, and I opened the apartment door to invite them in.

Xavier and I might have our disagreements where my brother was concerned, but we both had Ivan’s safety in mind.

I returned to the library, pacing with the need to do something.

Angel was benched. Too many eyes on him, some of which we knew were searching for me. But me? As a ghost? I could go look through some of those places.