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I come with a shout, my body arching off the bed.

Every muscle in my body locks up, and I’m distantly aware that I’m being too loud, way too fucking loud, but I can’t stop. Can’t control it. The orgasm rips through me like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Lucien’s hand flies to my mouth, covering it, muffling the sound, while he keeps sucking and unraveling me with every swallowed drop.

I’m still shaking when there’s a knock at the door.

Startled, I roll off the bed and hit the floor with a thud.

“Fuck,” I hiss, scrambling to cover myself.

Lucien is standing now, completely naked except for his white socks, staring at me to make sure I’m okay before he looks back at the door.

Another knock. Louder this time.

“Lucien? Get out here! The entertainment’s here!”

Lucien straightens and yells out, “Okay, I’ll be down in a minute! Just getting changed!”

“What, Lucien? Don’t go down there now,” I whisper.

“I have to. I paid like fifty grand for him to perform at the party.”

Fuck.

He sighs and throws me my boxers. We dress quickly, fumbling and frantic.

Lucien smooths his hair back, and it falls into place like nothing happened, like I didn’t just have my thighs around his head. Something about the way he can put himself back together that easily makes me want to pull him back down.

“Hide in the bathroom,” he says, nodding toward the door. “Wait five minutes, then come down.”

I nod, my heart still racing.

He leaves, and I’m alone.

I lock myself in the bathroom and sit on the edge of the tub, trying to catch my breath.

This is so fucked up. I didn’t even get to touch him. Didn’t get to do anything for him, and I’ve been thinking about it all night.

I run my hands through my hair and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My lips are swollen. My neck has little red marks from Lucien’s teeth. I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked, even though we didn’t get that far. I wish.

When I go down there, what is Liam going to think? I need to make sure he’s really okay with this. That he’s not just saying he is because he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend.

But the thing is, Liam doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know what it’s like to hide, to constantly perform, to pretend you’re someone you’re not just to survive. What Lucien did—the catfishing, the lying—wasn’t that different from what I’ve been doing my whole life by hiding who I really am. At least Lucien was trying to get close to me. At least he wants me.

Five minutes are up. I take a deep breath and unlock the bathroom door.

24

LUCIEN

I’m lying on Cameron’s bed, shirtless, with my head against the pillow. The sheets smell like him, clean and sweet. He’s next to me in boxers and a sleep shirt, his body relaxed in a way I’ve never seen before. He’s finally letting himself breathe.

It’s getting late. I should leave soon, but I don’t want to.

I turn my head to look at him. His eyes are half-closed, his breathing slow and steady.

Every moment with him feels stolen. I worry that if I leave, the spell will break and he’ll realize what a mistake this is. He might think I’m not worth it, or that I manipulated him into this. But when I look at Cameron, I don’t see regret. I see peace. I want to give him more of this. I want to be the person who makes him feel safe. I would do anything to keep him looking at me like this.