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I glance back toward the window at Cameron’s apartment. There’s still no movement.

“I sleep fine.”

“Och, you’re lying.” Her voice is quiet but firm. “You’re distracted all the time. You’re not taking good care of yourself. Lucien, I’m worried about you.”

I should be listening to her. I should be present in this conversation with my girlfriend, who’s sitting across from me expressing genuine concern. But all I can think about is whether Cameron is home right now, whether he’s thinking about Gwen, whether he’s touching himself again while imagining… I cover my face with my hands for a moment to gather myself.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes.” I force myself to look at her. “I’m listening.”

“I don’t think this is a good time for you to be in a relationship,” Claire says, and there’s something sad in her voice. “You don’t seem interested in me. In us.”

“I am interested,” I say, with zero effort.

“You’re lying. Lucien, you haven’t touched me in weeks. You barely look at me. Whatever’s going on with you, I can’t⁠—”

There’s movement outside the window.

Cameron.

He’s walking up to his apartment building, and he’s not alone. Liam Cross is with him, laughing at something Cameron said, and they’re walking close together. Their shoulders nearly touch as they approach the entrance.

Then Liam pulls his fist back and gives Cameron a friendly punch to the shoulder, a casual, affectionate gesture that friends give each other without thinking. It’s the light, playful touch of someone comfortable in another person’s space. Cameron laughs. And then he opens his arms in an easy, playful gesture that says: what did I do?

Cameron’s whole body is relaxed and open and happy. He’s grinning in a way I’ve never seen him direct at anyone. Liam grins back and says something I can’t hear through the café window. Cameron shakes his head, still laughing, still that open, comfortable posture. They reach the door. Cameron pulls it open. Liam goes in first, and Cameron follows, his hand briefly touching the small of Liam’s back as they cross the threshold. They go inside to Cameron’s apartment.

My chair scrapes violently along the floor and nearly tips over. I’m on my feet before I realize I’m moving, my hands flat on the table, my entire body rigid with something that feels like rage but burns hotter.

“Luc!” Claire’s voice is alarmed. “What⁠—”

I try to sit back down. Try to calm myself. My hands are shaking. I can feel my pulse in my throat, my temples, everywhere. This is insane. I’m being insane. But all I can see is Cameron and Liam in that apartment, on Cameron’s bed. Liam’s hands are on Cameron’s body. Cameron’s mouth is open and wanting, giving Liam everything that should be mine⁠—

“That’s it.” Claire stands, and when I look at her, her eyes are wet. “I can’t do this anymore, Lucien. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I can’t—” Her voice breaks. “It’s over. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“Claire—”

“No.” She’s already backing away from the table. “Whatever this is, whoever you’re thinking about when you look out that window, it’s not me. It’s never been me.”

She turns and walks out before I can respond, before I can apologize or do anything that might salvage our relationship. But I’m already moving in the opposite direction.

I’m out of the café and across the street. Cameron’s building is right there. I could go up. I could knock on his door. I could throw Liam out of the apartment and tell Cameron the truth, tell him everything, tell him I’m the one who sees him.

I stop at the corner of the building and press my back against the brick wall. I try to breathe.

This is crazy. I can’t just barge into Cameron’s apartment and throw Liam out because I’m jealous. Because I’m consumed with images of them together, of Liam touching Cameron, of Cameron wanting Liam the way he should want me. Cameron would never talk to me again.

I need to think. I need to do something that makes sense.

My phone is in my hand before I’ve fully formed the plan.

I could call him as Gwen and create some kind of crisis. I’ll tell him I’m on campus, that I need to see him right now, that it’s urgent. We could meet somewhere public. And then I could show up instead. Not Gwen. Me.

I could finally tell him the truth. Tell him I’m the one who’s been talking to him, understanding him, seeing him. That everything Gwen said was real because it came from me. That if he has feelings for Gwen, he has feelings for me.

The idea rattles me. But I can’t let Liam have him. I can’t let anyone have him. I take my second phone out of my pocket and select Cameron’s number.

He answers on the second ring. “Gwen?”