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“I know.” I step closer, all kinds of torn at what I’m about to do. I like having the protection, but after seeing how Lynx changed so visibly just from holding the thing, it’s really sunk in what he gave me. It wasn’t just a knife. It was a part of him. I can’t hold that part hostage just because I’m scared that he’ll lose interest.
And I’m scared that I won’t.
I know I need to leave. I know I need to follow my plan. I know I need to stop falling into the same old bad habits and do better about protecting myself—even Lynx says so. But the pull I have toward Lynx isn’t like it was with Antonio. With him, it was all about my proximity to power. To proving I could become someone when my parents said I was nothing. I sacrificed parts of myself to fit into that role, and I’m still uncomfortable with how little I questioned what he wanted me to do.
With Lynx, he’s not forcing me to be anyone I’m not. Antonio held me captive by giving me everything I needed. Lynx is setting me free by teaching me to do everything for myself.
“It was a gift,” he mutters.
“You gave it to me to protect myself in Hobby Straight. I don’t live there anymore.”
That argument almost gets him. “What do you want in return?”
I frown at him. “What do you mean?”
“What’s the price?”
“There’s no price.”
“There’s always a price. That’s how it is in the End.”
I really, really want to hug him. “Not with me.”
He doesn’t look like he believes me, so I take his hand and set the knife in it. “Thank you for protecting me.”
His gaze flies from the knife to me. “No one’s ever thanked me for that before.”
“Well, they should.”
“It’s my job.”
“Who gave you that job?”
He opens his mouth, then changes his mind on what he was about to say. “I did.”
“Then thank you double.”
His hazel eyes slide back to the knife, and he squeezes them closed for a second, lifting the knife to set the blade against his forehead. It’s like his whole body relaxes. “Why are you so nice to me?” I barely hear his question over the storm.
“Because you were nice first.”
“When?”
“When you couldn’t kill me. I understand now why that was so hard for you.”
He points to Bob. “It’s his fault.”
“Nah, you stopped before he made you.”
Lynx’s lips pinch in the corners. “Reminding me of my failure isn’t making me feel any better.”
“You still think it was a failure not to kill me?”
“No.” His voice is rough, and when he lifts his fingers to my cheek, my heartbeat gets faster. “But I did seal my fate.”
“What does that mean?”
“I always knew an outsider would be my downfall.”
