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Lila: …what do you think you know?

Calla: Oh wow. That’s not even denial. That’s the text version of putting on sunglasses and pretending no one can see you.

Serena: You disappeared from the group chat for 18 hours and when you came back you said NOTHING of consequence.

Calla: That’s not normal Lila behavior.

Serena: Unless it was post-sexual-conspiracy-bonding behavior.

Calla: WHICH IT WAS

Lila: …maybe.

Serena: MAYBE.

Calla: OH MY GOD.

Serena: SHE ACTUALLY DID IT.

Calla: I need DETAILS. Did he brood at you while undressing you? Was there emotional eye contact?

Serena: Did he use his courtroom voice?

Lila: I’m not answering any of these questions.

Calla: That’s a yes.

Serena: That’s a FILTHY yes.

Lila: I hate both of you.

Calla: You’re glowing through the text. We win.

Serena: For real though. Are you okay? Did dong-a-saurus-rex destroy your cervix?

Lila: Indeed he did.

Lila: So. So. Sore.

Lila: But weirdly, yeah. I think I’m more than okay.

Calla: *sobbing emoji*

Serena: STOP I’M FEELING THINGS

Calla: Do we get to call him Theo now or do we still have to refer to him as Professor Pipe Dream?

Calla: GET IT

Calla: PIPE

Serena: I feel weird using his government name after all the things I just imagined him doing to you. I think I need him to remain a concept in my mind as opposed to a tangible man who exists and shops at grocery stores and does that thing with his tongue.

Lila: Please stop imagining our sexy times.

Calla: So possessive

Serena: Our little emotionally constipated girl is all grown up