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Lottie was transported back to when Freya was small. The Christmas Eve woodland walk had been a tradition, even if, over the years, one or other of the children at times often found it tiresome or even ‘boring and pointless’, as Freya had famously declared when she was thirteen. But they had always done it. Now it was a fixture, and one that had become as much part of Christmas for Lottie and her niece and nephew as roast turkey.
They continued their walk and found themselves in a snowy clearing. It was a familiar place.
“Here’s the tree stump,” said Zack, using his arms and gloved hands to sweep off the snow. “Come on!”
“It’s not big enough for us all anymore,” said Freya, rolling her eyes.
“I think we can all squeeze on.” Lottie grinned.
That first year, Lottie had sat on the stump with Freya strapped to her front and Zack running around in circles, before settling beside her. Now the three of them sat together, almost back to back, around the stump.
Zack pulled out a flask. “Anya gave us this.”
“Ooh, is it her famous hot chocolate?” asked Freya, rubbing her mittens together in glee.
“It sure is,” said Zack. He pulled out three small enamel cups and poured each of them some of the steaming liquid.
Lottie took a sip. Ah yes. Dark chocolate, spices and brandy. Just what she needed this morning. She hummed her approval and closed her eyes. Another year, and her children were grown up now.
“She needs to put more brandy in this,” said Freya, appraising her cup critically.
“Yeah, but then we’d be too wobbly on our walk back,” Zack pointed out.
“Maybe you would,” she said, “but then you always were a bit of a lightweight.”
Zack laughed. Sibling rivalry was alive and well, but now it was more good-natured and less likely to end in a slanging match. Bringing up two children who had lost their parents through adolescence had been something of a challenge at times.
“I’m so glad we get to do this still,” said Lottie.
“Oh dear, the brandy’s gone to her head,” said Freya in a stage whisper to her brother. “She’s getting maudlin.”
“I’m not maudlin,” exclaimed Lottie. “I’m just appreciating the moment.”
“As much as you appreciated your moment with Hannah last night?” said Freya, leaning her shoulder briefly against Lottie.
“Oh, shut up,” said Lottie with a smile.
“It is about time you got a girlfriend, though,” said Freya, her voice more serious this time.
“It is?” Lottie turned to look at Freya in surprise.
“Yeah. We’re all grown up now. You’ve, you know, parented us or something.” Freya kicked at her own feet. “And we’re doing our thing. Maybe you need to do yours?”
Lottie opened her mouth, but nothing came out. It was the sort of comment she might have expected from Zack, but not from Freya.
“She is right, you know,” said Zack.
“Hmm,” said Lottie, which was as far as she could stretch. So many thoughts, memories and images swirled in her brain. “But we’ll always have this.”
“Yep,” said Zack, putting his arm around Lottie. Freya said nothing, but rested her head on Lottie’s shoulder.
Lottie closed her eyes, trying to burn the moment into her brain. Something to return to in the future, on the days when life seemed hard. She’d had plenty of those difficult days when the children were small. She’d never really thought about having children of her own when she essentially became their mum overnight.
Lottie thought fondly of her sister Meg, frozen in time, much younger than Lottie was now. The pain of losing her never really went away, but over the years it had become less jagged. It was more of a dull ache she carried with her everywhere now.
“Do you think mum would like it here?” Zack had asked on one of those early Christmas Eves.
“Yes, love, I do,” Lottie had answered, tears in her eyes.