Page 113
Mom gave his shoulder a squeeze then stepped out of view, saying, “Be right back.”
“Incredibly terrifying,” Levi added with a nervous chuckle. “Part of me wants to do it. And Alan’s supportive. But I’m not sure I want to put that much pressure on our relationship.”
I nodded because I could understand. Relationships were challenging enough on their own, but then you added the demands of our jobs, the expectations and the travel, and it was a lot. Being in the public eye was a lot.
“It’s a big decision,” I said. “Have you told any of your teammates?”
“One or two of them, and it went well, but—” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want my sexuality to overshadow my career.”
“I get it,” I said.
I’d been reticent to date anyone publicly for fear that the conversation would shift. Instead of focusing on my accomplishments, I worried the emphasis would be on my relationship. I was still worried about that because the fact that Carson was such a high-profile hockey player would likely only compound the effect.
“And for a while, it might,” I said. “But I’d like to think that ultimately, people will focus on what you bring to the sport. Who you love is part of you, but it doesn’t define you.” I was saying it as much to Levi as to myself.
He nodded. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”
I smirked. “Haven’t you learned by now that I always am?”
He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he did it.
“I know you’ll make the best decision for you. Regardless of what you decide, you have my full support.”
“Thanks.” Levi blew out a breath. “It is a big decision, huge. But I’m tired of living in fear. I’m tired of having this secret hanging over me.”
I nodded, my stomach churning. I understood the feeling, probably better than my brother even realized. It wasn’t just about the fact that I was keeping my relationship with Carson a secret from the world, our friends. It was the idea that I was keeping it from Levi, lying to my brother. And the longer it went on, the worse I felt.
Tell him.
I took a deep breath. Stop making excuses and tell him. Maybe he’ll understand.
I wanted to laugh at myself. Levi’s comments showed that he still held a grudge toward Carson. But the fact that my brother was in love himself, grappling with some of the same issues in his relationship, though in different ways, well…maybe it would make him more understanding. At least, I hoped it would.
I smoothed my hand down my thigh. I’ve got this. I can do this.
“Lee, I—”
A timer beeped in the background at his place. “Oh hey,” Levi said. “Gotta go. I’ll see you at Cece’s in a few weeks?”
“I—” I tried not to cringe at the way my smile looked on the screen—bright and a little too forced. Fortunately, Levi was too distracted to notice. “Yep. Looking forward to it.”
“Bye, Logan!” Mom called from the kitchen. “Text me the itinerary you had in mind. Love you.”
“Okay. I will. Love you too.”
The screen went dark, and I rested my head in my hands. So much for telling my brother.
“And who is this snack?” Cece asked Levi, checking out Alan as she hugged my brother.
We’d just arrived at her house to celebrate her marriage to Gabe, and I was on edge. Over the past few weeks, Levi had been busy, and we’d both been traveling. Ultimately, I’d decided it would be better to tell him about my relationship with Carson in person. And I planned to do it this weekend.
Levi stepped back, straightening before he slid his hand into Alan’s. “This is my partner, Alan.”
Alan tipped his head. “Thank you for having us.”
Cece’s answering smile was warm. If she was surprised, she didn’t show it. “Aren’t you two delicious? Congrats.”
“Thanks,” Levi blushed, and I sensed his relief in that single word. He’d done it. He’d told someone outside of family and a few teammates that he was dating a man, and it hadn’t been a big deal. “And congratulations to you as well.”