Page 103
“Really?” I asked. I’d never heard that story.
“Oh yeah. I know this isn’t true for everyone, but the moment I saw you, I fell in love. I was so possessive of you. You—and Lee—are the best things I’ve ever done. And I’m so proud to be your mom. Not because of your accomplishments but because you’re you.”
“I—” I swallowed hard, overwhelmed by her words. “Wow. Thanks for making me cry, Mom.” I swiped away a tear.
“Anytime.” She laughed, but there was a watery sound to it.
“I know you love being a mom, but do you ever wish you’d made different choices?” I asked. “Wished you’d had different opportunities?”
“Like what?”
I blew out a breath, watching the brake lights blink on then off in a sea of red ahead of me. I typically didn’t shy away from difficult conversations, but I’d never quite gathered the courage to ask my mom these questions. “I guess I always wonder if you resent that you didn’t have the opportunities that I do. Or if you wish you had.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” I could imagine her shaking her head, a warm smile on her lips. “Of course not. I think it’s amazing that you have these opportunities, but I don’t regret the path my life took.”
Was I brave enough to ask the question I’d been pondering for years? “Even when it comes to Dad?”
I could hear the smile in her voice when she answered. “Even when it comes to Dad. We shared a dream and built a beautiful life together. We just realized we were better off as friends.”
“I know, but…” I gnawed on my bottom lip, wondering if this was too personal. Too painful. “What changed?”
When I was younger, they’d seemed so happy. So…in love. And then they weren’t.
I knew that was my simplified version of things. I’d been too busy to notice. Too young—or perhaps too in denial—to realize what was going on. But now that I was in a relationship with Carson, I felt compelled to ask these questions.
“Oh, honey,” she sighed. “It wasn’t one thing. It was lots of little things, and it happened gradually over time.” She paused for a second, and I wondered if I’d pushed too far. But then she said, “I’m happy to answer your questions, but I’m wondering what’s behind this sudden curiosity? Are you worried I’ll say something during the interview?”
“What?” I scoffed. “No. No,” I said again, needing to emphasize that point. “I think they’ll stick to your background in hockey, what it was like to be a female athlete when you were, that kind of stuff. And you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.”
“Okay, then…” There was a pregnant pause. “Are you dating someone?”
My eyes widened, and I was grateful we were having this conversation over the phone so she couldn’t see my face. “I, uh—” I was tempted to deny it, but I didn’t want to. Hell, maybe Mom could help me devise a plan to tell Levi about Carson. “Yeah, actually. I am.”
“You sound happy.” Her tone had a wistfulness to it. “Who is it? Do I know them?”
“You do.” I checked my rearview mirror and switched on my blinker.
“Interesting.” I could tell she had so many questions, but she was holding back. Finally, she asked, “Are you going to tell me who it is?”
“Only if you promise not to tell anyone. Not Dad, and definitely not Levi.”
“Now I’m really curious.”
Carson glanced over at me while the photographer and the rest of her team adjusted the lighting. We’d spent the last few hours in hair and makeup before stepping onto the ice at the Atlas Center. It was for a feature on the NHL’s Culture Initiative that would run in a huge sports magazine—both in print and online. We’d already been out here for an hour, and they showed no signs of finishing anytime soon.
Carson leaned a hand on the boards behind me, and I tried not to visibly react when he started caressing my back with his thumb. “Want to switch jerseys?” He waggled his brow.
I tried to maintain a neutral expression. “I might have told my mom about us, but I don’t think we’re ready to hard launch our relationship.”
I leaned my elbow on his shoulder, a silent reminder not to get too close. Not when there were too many eyes on us.
“You sure?” Carson asked in a low voice, and I could practically feel his breath caressing my ear even though there was about a foot between us. “Because when you told me about your conversation with your mom, you said she was very enthusiastic.”
I rolled my lips between my teeth, trying not to show just how affected I was by this man. His gray eyes were playful, his lips were curled up in the smile that I thought of as my smile, and suddenly, it was difficult to remember why I couldn’t touch him.
Oh, right. Levi.
Unfortunately, I still hadn’t told my brother, and Mom hadn’t had any good ideas about how to go about it either. Carson’s patience only made me feel worse. Because while I appreciated his understanding, I was sick of keeping this secret from our family and friends.