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“I agree.” Chet rubbed the back of his neck, then let his hand fall. “And I’m sorry I told you wanting space was ridiculous. You were trying to explain something, and I wasn’t listening.”

“I needed you to hear me.”

“I should’ve talked to you before I went to Jason.” He looked down at his gloves. “I was worried about the business. About what dating you might do to my friendship with him. I didn’t stop to think what going to him first would do to ours.”

“That’s what hurt.” Her fingers tightened on the rail. “You were my friend, too.”

“You still are.” He lifted his gaze. “I don’t want you wondering whether you come second to keeping everyone else happy.”

She nodded, but she didn’t move toward him. He pulled off his gloves and laid them beside his phone.

“Next time there’s something that affects us, I’ll talk to you.” His hand went toward hers, then rested on the rail instead. “I know saying that doesn’t fix everything.”

She traced a worn spot in the wood with her thumb. “I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a better way to lay it out. And I think I’ve come up with something that might help.”

Lydia blew out a shaky breath and struggled to get it out all over again.

“You know I’ve had my own struggles with dating, too. I guess that’s a way we’ve connected. When the last one I had with that rodeo cowboy ended, it was so one-sided. I’d thought we were on a specific path. He had a different idea entirely. It left me reeling because I’d made all these sacrifices. I was willing to give up my whole life as I knew it just to be with him. And then he went and chose a different plan. I can’t fault him for it. That is what he was always going to do. It just wasn’t with me.”

Chet’s gaze dropped to her hands. She’d said she would’ve given up everything, but now he pictured her doing it. Missing family dinners. Leaving the horses she worked with. Rocky Ridge disappearing behind her through a truck window.

“You were ready to leave here?”

She nodded. “I’d started making a list. What I’d take. What I’d leave with Wren.” Her thumb caught on the edge of the rail. “I thought if I figured out the practical things, it wouldn’t seem like such a big step.”

He looked at her. She’d been planning where to put her belongings while that man planned a future without her.

“That was a lot to offer someone.”

Lydia lifted one shoulder. “At the time, it didn’t feel that way.”

He moved his hand closer to hers, stopping short of touching her. For all he’d wanted to say when she arrived, he hadn’t thought to ask what coming here to talk might cost her.

He wanted to promise she’d never have to worry about that with him. Instead, he kept quiet and let her continue.

“For the longest time I struggled with trusting myself, my heart. I told myself I’d be more careful when I was ready to have another relationship and when I was, it’d be on my terms.” Her eyes met his for a moment, then she looked away. “Well, my terms and the guy I wanted to date.” She paused. “When you went to Jason before me, it shattered that semblance of control I had. I think it came as such a shock because we’ve been so open with each other. I feel like I know you so well.” She lifted her eyes to him again. “Then I found out there was a whole conversation about us that I didn’t even know had happened.”

“You felt deceived,” he rasped. His heart rattled in his ribcage, and he thought of his own past and her desire to steer clear of rodeo cowboys altogether.

But that wasn’t who he was anymore. He had changed. It was a part of his past that he’d left behind and never looked back.

He glanced toward the tack room, where the horses’ halters hung beside the door. This was his life now. Telling her about the rodeo would only give her one more worry. He could explain it another time, when they weren’t on such uncertain ground.

She sighed. “I’m not sure I’m explaining this very well.”

“You are. I get it,” he said. “I’m glad you told me.”

Lydia looked down at the small gap between their hands. “I don’t want to lose you, Chet.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The second it slipped out, Lydia questioned whether she should’ve been more careful. As far as she was concerned, they were on thin ice. Not being ready to lose him didn’t make everything okay between them.

Right now, hope was in his gaze, and she didn’t want him mistaking what she’d said for a promise that they could pick up exactly where they’d left off.

“I have one more thing to say,” she murmured.

He straightened a little, his hand still resting near hers on the rail.