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“Sweetie, it’s different when it is your kid. You’re pregnant with his child. I mean, I know it’s a hookup, but—”
“It’s not anymore. At least, not to me and that’s why it sucks.”
“Why? Because you care about him?”
“Yeah. And he cares about me. I’m not going to ruin his kid’s life—”
“You can’t make big adult life choices based on the preferences of individual kids, just what you know is best for all of them. Trust me,” Lanie said. “His kid likes you. He likes you. I don’t see the issue.”
“I dunno. We had sex a couple weeks ago and it was… fire. Like... I felt safe and warm and… everything.”
“Like good like you had when you first got with Jasper or—”
“Better. Otherworldly. And… I don’t know. I just enjoy being with him. It’s weird.”
“It’s not weird.”
“It’s too soon—”
Lanie clicked her tongue, cutting me off. “Chloe, I am the queen of avoidance, but remember the legendary fight I had with Baz at the end of my pregnancy? As I recall, you were there demanding that I tell Baz I was scared during labor rather than just go off on him assuming that he wanted out, right?”
I winced. She was right. However, I also clocked that Baz had an almost-unhealthy obsession with his wife. He wanted kids and the night before, Cole had said explicitly he never wanted to have another kid.
“He’s going to cut and run and he’s living in my house.”
“I bet he doesn’t. But I think this points to you wanting to keep it. And if you’re even thinking about doing that, you should talk to him. It’s not like you can just get pregnant, grow an entire fucking human, and live feet away from him without him—and his kid—knowing.”
Lanie had a point.
“I’m sorry,” Lanie said. “Because that’s probably not the most comforting thing to hear right now, but.. if Baz could get on board and fall in love with being a dad, this guy will be able to handle it. I’ve seen him with that kid. He loves her. He’s a good dad.”
“But I fucked up.”
“I’m sorry, but if you are raw-dogging your landlady for funsies and you knock her up, you should have expected that natural consequence.”
I cringed. “Can we not say that?”
“Well, it’s the truth. Men are stupid, but biological imperatives are just that. You all got sloppy—in more ways than one.”
I nodded and fought tears. “I’m so scared, Lanie. I have an entire winter season planned. And if I keep it, all of that falls apart.”
“You can still ride. You’re barely pregnant. Your pelvis is protecting this baby. You can go and ride and—”
“I wasn’t really worried about that. It’s that… I’m going to be in Florida, then fucking Europe, and… there’s literally not a good time.”
“Can you tell him before you are done camping?”
“I dunno. We’re camping with his kid. It seems… doubtful.”
“I’d hold off. It’s new. You tell him in your time. And make the choice for you since you’re the one whose body would have to carry this baby.”
She was right. It was so new. I needed time to think. I wanted to tell Cole I decided to keep it, to have him be over-the-moon, and for us to ride off into the sunset with a new baby and Piper in perfect harmony. Hell, even if Cole decided to be in this baby’s life, his own reaction would be complicated and messy like mine was now! I wasn’t ready for that.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake Cole’s words. He didn’t want a baby with anyone—including me. That wouldn’t change. I had to figure it out, but could I really end this pregnancy? I wasn’t sure that was the right choice, either. It was beyond messy and I didn’t have the brain cells.
30. DEPARTURES AND ARRIVALS
COLE
