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Tailspins and Tall Boots

Page 107

by Maude Winters

“Of course. And Cal. Not in a sexy way! Jesus!” I giggled. “But like… men who show up for their families. And it’s not just that. Piper is amazing, okay? But I relate to her because I had a difficult, driven mother who had the emotional acuity of a gnat and she will probably disown me over this.”

Cole’s face pulled, pained by this news.

“It’s not that Brynn doesn’t love her, and despite that, her issues are sometimes hard on Piper. Both things can be true at once.”

He nodded. “This is why I fell for you.”

I cocked my head. “Why?”

“At some point, I went from hating everything associated with you and grinning and bearing it because I was stuck and desperate to realizing your emotional intelligence far outpaces all of mine. Chloe, you understand how messy and grey life is. I wish I had seen that a decade ago when things really fell apart.”

“Life is… always complicated, yes. I wish I could just insulate myself. Having to carry around all these secrets is wearing me down. That’s not me. I know people thought my influencer persona was all put on and that my social justice work was some sort of ridiculous contrast, but what you saw was what you got.”

“I know, Chloe.” He smiled. “Once I realized that, we were in a better place. Once I got my head out of my ass, that is.”

I smiled. “Honestly, I love the grumpy Cole. He’s really hot.”

Cole snickered. I knew he blushed, even in the firelight.

“So you feel like you’re lying now?” Cole asked.

I nodded. “Not to you or the barn anymore—thank God! But to my family, my publicist, my agent, my publisher, and my followers? Yeah. I’ve been carefully choreographing my life to avoid this. And it feels unfair to him.”

To him. The baby. As much as I didn’t want to know, now I couldn’t think otherwise. This was our son.

“He’s a fetus,” Cole assured. “He won’t spite his mother for wanting some privacy. I promise. By the time he arrives, all he will know is endless love. I meant it when I said you would be a great mom. You will. All this emotional work you do and how much you care? That’s what it takes to be a parent, Chloe. He’s going to be so fucking lucky.”

“Hashtag blessed,” I said, voice flat.

“Nah. For real. Blessed. I think I’ve done a decent job—somehow—with Piper.”

“You really want to start all over in diapers?” I winced.

“Yeah. It’s hilarious because the minute I found out he was mine, it wasn’t a debate, Chloe. All this time, I’ve been worrying about how to support you without stepping on toes. Now, I realize you need me to step, and I am fully capable of it. I’ll be fucking exhausted, but I will be so in love. I haven’t a single doubt.”

“You said those years were hard,” I said.

“I would never bullshit you, baby,” Cole said. “It’s hard no matter what—even if you are young and fit as a fiddle. You won’t have the boundless energy you had. You also will not be able to shake the way you love this life. And there’s more.”

“More?”

“Chloe, one of the things I always regretted was that I never wanted a second child—life circumstances and all. Piper was enough, but damn she wanted a sibling. And I saw everyone else have two or three kids and they’d talk about the beauty of seeing them together. Somehow, I felt like we’d missed that. I was at peace with it, but damn if I cannot picture that moment and it feels special already.”

“Meanwhile, I’m terrified we ruined Piper’s life.”

“Nah. Chloe, she might not immediately jump for joy, but… I know you will find ways to include her. I was worried about the flip side.”

“Flipside?” I was confused.

“She’s probably getting two half-sibs. Brynn and her husband are having a baby. Well, trying to. Brynn made it seem like a condition of them staying married. She hated that stage, but also I think she sees it as a do-over. I worry Piper will feel left out.”

I contemplated it, then dissented.

“No offense, Cole, but I wouldn’t be so doom-and-gloom. I think my mom saw me as a blank slate which put a lot of pressure on me, but my brother was so much older that he never really felt it. We have a super close relationship. Honestly, I think that will be precious. Piper will have plenty of love in her heart and can help.”

“I never thought about it like that. It’s a big gap.”

“It’s different, but I love my brother.” I sighed wistfully. “You know, him being in the dark is killing me. I am doing it for his protection, but I’m supposed to be planning this stupid anniversary party for my parents. He needs my help but I’m avoiding him like the plague.”