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“None of this was fair, but it’s how it turned out. I wish you nothing but the best, Rowan. I hope you have a good life.” I step closer and press the money against his chest.

His hand closes over it as he stares at me, anger and panic fighting across his face. His posture changes. His shoulders straighten, and his mouth hardens.

“You think those men are going to give you some happy little life?” he spits out. “They’re monsters, Valli. One of them barely speaks. One of them takes people apart for fun, and the other one digs fucking graves.” He steps closer. “You’re going to wake up and realize you traded your family for three sick men who lied to you.”

“No.” I hold my ground. “I chose three damaged men who never pretended to be anything else.” Rowan shakes his head, but I continue. “I know exactly who they are because they have never hidden the worst parts of themselves. And on their worst days, they have never hurt me to make themselves feel better.” My chest aches as I think of them.

“They lied.”

“Yes.” A cleaner looks toward us, then quickly looks away. “They lied about where you were, and I am angry about that. I don’t know how long it will take me to forgive them, or whether I can forgive every part of it. But it was you who ruined that for me.” I wipe at the tears sliding down my face. “You’re dead to me from this day forward,” I whisper.

Rowan flinches. The words are cruel. They are also the words he has said to me so many times before today when he didn’t get his own way.

His lips part, but I shake my head before he can speak.

“I hope you prove me wrong one day. But you will have to do it without me.” Then I turn and walk back to the car.

“Valli.”

I keep going.

“Valli, don’t fucking leave me here.”

My hand shakes as I open the door.

“You can’t do this!”

I get inside and lock it.

Rowan follows, slamming his palm against the passenger window, and my whole body jolts. For one terrible second, my finger hovers near the button, and I’m tempted to unlock the door. Then he hits the glass again, his face twisting with the same rage I have seen too many times before.

I start the car, and Rowan steps back, shouting something as I pull away from the curb. The sobs that rip through me are so hard they physically hurt. When I’m far enough away, I pull over to the side of the road and cry. For the boy who held my hand at our parents’ funeral, for the brother who promised to look after me, for every version of Rowan I kept alive in my head. Accepting he’s gone feels worse than letting the man he became go. My shoulders shake until they hurt, and the windscreen blurs. Eventually, I wipe my face and drive home.

I pull into the driveway, and the first feeling that hits me is that this is no longer my home. This is a place now filled with so many bad memories that the good ones don’t feel like they matter.

I make my way inside my old bedroom and sit on the edge of the mattress. Cave made a choice that wasn’t his to make. He decided protecting me mattered more than trusting me with the truth. I lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. A crack runs from one corner toward the light fitting. I used to follow it with my eyes when I couldn’t sleep and imagine it spreading until the whole ceiling collapsed.

My heart aches thinking about Cave. To him, leaving is permanent. People have abandoned him, thrown him away when they decide he is too damaged, and I walked away without telling him I would be back. That hurts me more than leaving Rowan. Guilt twists in my stomach, and I reach for my phone, but I see there are no missed calls.

I stare at the blank screen. It should make me feel better that they are giving me space. Instead, dread crawls up my spine. Noa couldn’t go two days without rationing his messages when I first left, and Cipher checks the cameras when I roam the island.

I call Noa and it rings until it reaches his voicemail, so I try Cipher next and also nothing.

My heartbeat picks up, so I stand and pace the room as I call Cave, even though he rarely carries his phone and has never answered it.

It rings.

And rings.

It’s probably still a bit too early for them to be up, but I don’t want to stay away from them any longer. I grab my keys, though I don’t know what I will say when I see them. I’m unsure whether I will scream, cry, or make Cave sit in front of me while I explain every reason he can never do this again.

I am not going back to forgive him.

I’m going back because I love him. I love all three of them.

Chapter Fifteen

Cipher