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Every session since I have been here, Seth has opened with a question about how I am feeling or what I have been thinking about. Even though I’ve never answered him—he knows I can’t—he has still asked. Yet not today.

“Evan told me about how you communicate, that you use riddles. I looked into it a little. The tradition of riddles as a way of saying something you can’t say directly.” He leans back in his chair. “I thought it was interesting.”

I stare at him, and he holds my gaze. “You don’t have to. I simply thought if that was a language that made sense to you, then maybe it was worth trying.”

I smirk; does he not realize the implications for him if he answers it wrong? Only Valli gets to answer my riddles for free. I don’t give him a riddle—I just keep my eyes locked on his, so he knows I heard him. It’s more than I have given him in any other session.

“Alright,” he says, shifting in his seat. “We’ll come back to that. I want to ask you something, and I want you to know that you don’t have to answer verbally. A nod or a shake of the head is enough—even nothing is fine. So, is there anything in here that is harder than you expected?”

I genuinely think about the question and then nod once.

“Okay, is it the people?”

I shrug.

“Is it the place?”

I nod.

He makes a small hum in his throat—one I don’t think he knows he has made.

“The last time you were here, was it the same as it is now?” I look past him this time at the wall behind him. “I’m not asking about what happened, more if the structure is the same.”

I don’t nod, even though it’s mostly the same. I don’t like to think about that time, and I can feel the Scarecrow wanting to protect me, but I shove it down.

“Okay,” Seth says. “A different question.” He leans forward a little. “What do you think about when you’re not in a session? When you’re sitting in the common room or lying awake at night. Is there something you keep coming back to?”

I look at him, and he waits patiently. This is where I expect my Scarecrow to protect me, but instead Valli pops into my head, blowing me the kiss I caught and put in my pocket. Then I remember what it feels like when Cipher comes and forces me out of the cornfield to shower and eat, or the sound of Noa’s voice.

I put my hand flat on my chest, and Seth looks at me quizzically.

“Something in there?” he asks, and I shake my head. “Someone, I mean.”

I nod, and he is quiet for a moment, then I hear Shawn shift on his feet behind us.

“That’s good,” Seth says. “That is something worth holding on to.”

He spends the next fifteen minutes asking me more questions, and I respond to each one. Valli would be happy, though I personally couldn’t care less. I would prefer to rip his limbs off and beat him with them, rather than sit here and entertain his stupid questions, but for her I would sit here and smile all day if I had to.

When our time is up, Shawn opens the door and I stand.

“Same time Thursday,” Seth says.

I walk out, following Shawn down the corridor and back to my room. Thankfully, I have time to lie down before dinner and not have to be in a room with other people. I hate these gray clothes they make us wear—gray sweats and a gray hoodie. We also get a white shirt; mine is tight around my chest and arms. Silly Sally—well, that is what the others here call her—makes crude remarks about me, though nothing Noa hasn’t said before. But I like when he says it, whereas she just makes me want to watch the Jester cut out her tongue—and I think he would enjoy it.

Evan stops by my room around five, and it’s his last round before the evening staff come on shift. He stands in the doorway and runs his eyes over where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t ask how I am, like he does most other days.

“Seth told me you had a good session today. I will make sure I put that in the files.”

He leaves, and it feels like I am one step closer to going home. I lie back on the bed and look at the ceiling, thinking about what they would be doing right now.

Noa will be getting back from the graveyard—he likes to do a final sweep before the night guests arrive. Then he’ll talk Cipher and Valli’s ears off about his day. I used to find it irritating in the beginning, before I understood Noa talks because silence scares him. It’s no different from why I don’t. We simply handle our trauma in different ways.

Cipher will be at his workbench, working on the music box. He’ll be listening to Noa talk while he tinkers. He communicates similarly to me, and I think it’s why I was immediately drawn to him. Cipher wants to use the music box to surprise Valli with the key to our new house. Even thinking about a house scares me, but if they are moving in there, so will I.

And of course Valli will be listening to every word Noa says, while pushing Cipher to finish up for the day so he can eat.

All that matters is that I am one step closer to going home, and all it cost me today was a few head nods. I just have to hold on long enough to get back to my family.