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“I can’t stop thinking about his face,” she confesses, her eyes turning glassy. “The way he looked at me before I left. I know he understood what I said to him, but I hate not having firm confirmation. Then I wonder what it’s doing to him being back there in that place and I can’t . . .” Her voice wobbles and she inhales deeply, trying to compose herself.

When I see all her walls coming back, fighting to lock into place, I take her hand in mine.

“I can’t do anything to fix it, but I showed up for an hour and tried to hold myself together, so he didn’t have to worry about me.”

“Come here,” I say, pulling her into me until she straddles my waist, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight to my chest. “I’ve got you. You’re allowed to feel like that, but I know Cave, and if you asked him to do something, he will. He’s a stubborn guy.”

She sniffles, and I realize she is crying, so I kiss her head. “You don’t always have to be strong. I will always hold you when you need me to.”

Valli doesn’t say anything, so I simply cradle her in silence. There is nothing more I can say that would make her feel any different, and I won’t insult her by trying. I just rub circles on her back and let her process her feelings.

After a while, she pulls back enough to wipe her face on the sleeve of Noa’s hoodie. She opens her mouth, and I give her a look, knowing an apology is about to leave her lips, so she smiles and nods. Valli never has to apologize for needing me, for breaking down and feeling. She apologized to those around her for way too long.

“I hate this,” she says.

“Me too.”

“I hate that he is in there, and I’m on the outside.” She looks up at me. “Do you ever tire of not being able to fix something?”

“Depends. Sometimes fixing something that people perceive as broken takes time because it isn’t actually broken. Maybe they’re trying to find their way through something instead. You don’t have to fix everything for the people you love, Valli. Rather, you just have to make sure they don’t go through it alone. If it’s a music box, on the other hand, sometimes I want to throw it against a wall and be done with it. But then my brain would just make me rebuild it again.”

“Do you think he will come out of there the same?”

I think about what she is asking—about Cave in the facility, and what we read in his file. “I think he will survive it. It’s what Cave knows how to do. He survived it once before and can do it again. I know that isn’t the same as being okay, so I won’t tell you he will be. What I will tell you is that he is incredibly stubborn, and he will do everything he can to come back to us. If he isn’t okay when he gets here, we will love him through it until he is himself again.”

“You think he will want us to love him through it, though?”

“I am sure,” I say, reaching up and tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “And I think he will be back before we know it. Nixie is on it, plus Vincent is helping. The minute they get an opening, they will bring him back, no matter what state he is in. Then we love him until whatever is cracked inside him heals.”

She stretches up, and I close the distance. Her lips press against mine as she leans her whole body into the kiss, and I bring my hands to her face, holding her there, needing the closeness as much as she does.

When she deepens the kiss, I pull back, as I don’t want her to think I’m using a moment of weakness for personal gain. Once she knows me well enough, she will know that sex rarely crosses my mind until it’s happening. I rarely seek it out; the comfort of touch and being close to someone has never appealed to me enough to search for it. I don’t hate it when it happens, but I could live without it and not feel like I was lacking.

“You sure?” I ask, and she nods before smashing her lips to mine again.

As I stand, she wraps herself around me tighter, and I move us to the couch. The rain outside is steady now, and the shed lights are dim. It’s as if the universe has set the mood for us.

I never put on a performance the way others do; I wouldn’t know how, and it’s not something I’d want to learn. What I do is pay attention to things that matter, and Valli matters to me. I notice every small sound, the way she whispers my name when I do something right, and the way her hands move and what they reach for. I memorize it all. These are the important details. And details are important when you like to know how things tick; more importantly, I want to know every detail about her.

I let her set the pace because that is what she needs right now—to feel in control—and I’m not going to take that from her. She shifts in my lap, moving herself along the hard ridge of my cock beneath my jeans. I grip her waist and my head falls back; who knew that dry humping would feel so damn good?

Valli reaches down and pulls the hoodie over her head, dropping it to the ground. She has nothing on now besides a lace bra, and when I glance down at the discarded pile of fabric, I see she removed her shirt as well.

“You’re staring,” she says.

“You’re just . . . I mean, wow.”

She chuckles, and I feel my ears heat. Valli reaches for the hem of my shirt, and I lift my arms and let her take it off. Her hands flatten against my chest, then she runs them over my skin, raising goosebumps on my arms. I still, letting her explore, and she traces lines with her fingertips.

When they dip below my navel, my stomach hollows out, and when she reaches for my belt, I cover her hands with mine. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

She smiles and leans forward to place a kiss on my chest, above my heart.

“I always want to be with you, Cipher, but I will stop if you need us to slow down.”

Shaking my head, I reply, “I’m fine, but I don’t want to rush you.”

Valli takes her time undoing my belt and the buttons on my jeans, then she moves off my lap to pull them off, along with my boxers. I feel the weight of her eyes upon me, and as I glance up at her, she licks her lips as she takes me in. When her gaze locks with mine, she smirks and reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra before slowly letting the straps fall down over her shoulders. As the material brushes over her nipples, they harden, and she drops the bra to hook her fingers into the sides of her leggings, teasing me by lowering each side just a little until she slides them and her thong down enough to reveal herself to me. And damn, I really like what I see.