Page 14
It was as though they had never been apart. He could have been a lad of eighteen again, so clear were the memories that came rushing up at holding her against him, even the scent of her hair the same as it had been all those years before. It felt like being back where he belonged, the closing of a wound that had been so open and raw: to sit with her snugly in the gap between his thighs was like finally replacing the missing piece of himself, and he could hardly breathe as he fought the instinct to tighten his arms around her waist.
Stop it. She’s not your Meg any more. Remember that before you get carried away.
He clutched the reins so hard, the leather chafed his gloved palms. While she sat before him, her ear so close to his mouth and with no way of escaping, it would have been the perfect time to raise the question of why she’d chosen to make herself a stranger to him. Now he had her in his grasp, it would surely be fair for him to demand an explanation about why she had abandoned him without a backwards look—but the very suggestion turned to ash on his tongue.
He didn’t need to ask why she hadn’t come to meet him, he thought grimly. There could only be one possible reason, as he’d realised long before, and forcing Meg to spell it out would achieve nothing more than mortifying them both. He already knew she must have found him wanting in some regard, and to sit and listen to her reeling off his fatal flaws was something no sane person would volunteer for. Hearing her list all the ways he’d disappointed her, all the ways he hadn’t been enough, would be unthinkable and, although he doubted she would ever be purposefully cruel, he refused to allow her the opportunity to leave yet another bruise on his heart.
I’ll never ask. No matter what happens next, I’ll never shame myself by begging her to reveal everything I lacked, even if I’ve since tried to remake myself as someone new.
Pleasure and agony warred with each other as he rode, spurring the horse into a canter as they reached the edge of town. The buildings fell away, leaving only trees and the sound of Starling’s hooves on the dry dirt road as they plunged deeper into the woods. Although he hadn’t been there to see it, Jacob could tell there had been no rain for weeks, the earth dry and the air far warmer than September’s usual slide into autumnal crispness, only a few leaves crunching underfoot as the horse jogged by. For some untold time he was able to notice such things in silence, but then Meg turned her head slightly to one side.
‘You pointed out it would be a good idea if no one else in the village knows we’re wed. How am I to explain us being seen together?’
With difficulty, Jacob pulled himself back from his journey into the past. Was that all she’d been thinking while she’d sat so quiet and still—only the bare logistics of their arrangement, and nothing of the more intimate times being forced to sit so close together might have brought to mind?
‘I hadn’t thought,’ he replied honestly. ‘Perhaps I ought to disguise myself.’
‘Some dirt on your extremely shiny boots would be a good start. A more pressing question is how I’m to tell my father what I’ve done.’
Jacob caught the note of worry. Of course explaining to her father was something she’d dread. In her family’s eyes she’d married one of the enemy responsible for bringing the village to its knees, but he was hardly well placed to give her advice as to how to avoid any damage. He’d done such a poor job of handling his own father, he’d be a hypocrite to tell Meg how to manage hers, leaving him with nothing to do but shake his head.
‘I couldn’t say.’
She reverted to looking straight ahead. He couldn’t see her face and her wooden posture gave nothing away, whatever she was thinking hidden from him completely unless she chose to share it.
‘Must I really go to Wellbourne House?’ she asked eventually. ‘I want to stay as far away from your brother as possible. Deliberately seeking him out feels like putting my head in a snare.’
Unseen behind her, Jacob grimaced. ‘Yes. If you stayed in the village he might break his word and send someone after you, and I couldn’t have your family put at risk. If we’re together, he has no choice but to behave.’
‘So I’m only safe while I’m with you.’
Her head turned again, this time giving him a sideways glimpse of her uneasy mouth.
‘What happens a month from now, when your niece’s christening has passed? Surely then you’ll return to wherever you live now, and I…?’
She cut herself off, for which Jacob was grateful. He didn’t want to think that far ahead. There was enough confusion surrounding their rash act already, and he far preferred to cross another bridge when he came to it. What would happen when it came time for him to return to his home in Derbyshire was something he hadn’t yet considered.
Meg didn’t seem to require an answer, however. She left her question to drift away, saying nothing else until the very edge of the village came into sight.
‘Stop here.’
He would have brought the horse to a halt anyway, but the brush of her fingers on the back of his hand ensured his immediate obedience.
‘Lark Cottage is just through those trees. If you leave Starling here, we’ll be able to sneak in without being seen.’
Without waiting for him to reply, she unhooked her leg and slid down from the saddle, landing on the ground as gracefully as a debutante might offer a curtsy. The sudden loss of her in his arms was jarring but he tried not to let it show as he followed, a wave of unacceptable disappointment ensuring his own dismount was not quite so light.
Meg crept away, keeping low as she waded through the scrub. She was remarkably stealthy; she barely made a sound as she picked her way towards the cottage and Jacob couldn’t help but wonder whether her unlikely poaching career had anything to do with how quietly she moved. The idea of her stealing anything was still so unbelievable he could hardly credit it, but it had to be the truth. Anthony’s gamekeepers had apparently caught her in the act, and she hadn’t denied it, although some unexplainable doubt still lingered at the back of his mind…
As they stole closer to the low wall surrounding the cottage’s yard, Meg paused. ‘Wait here. Don’t come in until I call you. I’ll need a few minutes to explain before you appear.’
At his nod, she vaulted over the stone wall. Now she was so close to home, it seemed she couldn’t get there fast enough, almost tripping on her long skirts as she reached the back door and disappeared inside. With nothing else to do, Jacob leaned against a tree, concealed by shadows and leaves as he waited to be summoned.
It didn’t take very long.
Meg’s pale face appeared at the cottage’s tiny back window. From his place among the trees, he couldn’t make out her expression, but the urgency of her wave suggested he didn’t delay in climbing the wall and retracing her hurried steps up to the door. She’d left it ajar and he knocked softly before slowly pushing it open, bracing himself for whatever reception awaited him on the other side.
Three pairs of hazel eyes fixed on him as he stepped into a small, now extremely overcrowded, kitchen.