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Fear Me Not

Page 38

by Marissa Farrar

I reach the doorway of Dov’s room. The door is open a crack, so I push it fully open.

“Dov?” My voice sounds too loud. “Are you here?”

I don’t get any sense of him. Where else would he be? Roaming the halls like a monster from a horror movie? Now it’s winter, and the days are short. Sometimes, even when it’s daylight, it feels like the sun can’t penetrate the blanket of cloud. The weather is unpredictable here. I long for a few sunny days, perhaps, so we can get out to hike in the woods, rather than cold wind and snowstorms. I know the sun won’t be warm enough to melt the snow, but I need to feel it on my skin and inhale fresh air.

For Dov, however, this time of year is perfect. The sun hurts his head, so when it’s like this, he must feel like he can finally roam freely. And since he doesn’t seem to feel the cold, the snow doesn’t bother him too much either.

“Dov, are you here?” I call again. “It’s Aspen.”

I step further into the room, looking left and right, watching for any sign of him.

He’s not here.

I stop in front of his bank of monitors. Several of them are whiteouts, the snow covering the cameras on the outside of the building, so it’s impossible to see the grounds. The screen that had been dedicated to my room is also blank, but I know it’s not snow that covers the camera, but a blanket I tossed over it to give myself privacy. Engrossed, I stare at the other screens and the images they show, trying to place where they are in the building.

Emptiness.

That’s my first impression. This huge building with its endless hallways and stairs and empty rooms. It was built to be filled with people, and instead it’s vacant.

Is the hotel lonely?

A sweep of movement catches my eyes, and my heart jolts. On the screen, in black and white, a large shape slides across the polished wooden floors of one of the long hallways.

I blink, unsure of what I’m seeing.

Then a second shape follows, also sliding along, arms stretched either side of them as though they’re snowboarding.

It’s Levi, and the person who went before him was Dov.

Before I can even process what’s happening, Blake comes sliding along as well, arms out, until his foot catches on something and he stumbles.

A rare smile tugs at my cheeks. Are they playing? Seeing how far along the polished wooden floors they can slide before coming to a halt? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a playful side like that to any of them. Onscreen, Levi punches Dov in the shoulder, and then Dov gets Levi in a headlock, and they wrestle.

A strange sensation flutters in my chest, and for a moment, I struggle to place it. Then I recognize the feeling—it’s joy.

Seeing them screwing around like a regular family makes me happy. I want that for them. A bit of normality. It’s good to see Dov interacting with his brother and father, rather than hiding behind his cameras. Does it mean he’s feeling better? Is it because of the change in weather—does he feel safer now—or is it because of my presence? I can feel him growing braver and more confident, becoming the man he could have been before his accident.

Even if Blake is manipulative and a liar, I still love him. And Levi puts on a good front, but I know there’s a man who’s hurting under there. And as for Dov, my heart breaks for him and the man he would have been if not for his brain injury.

I still feel like a part of their family, even if I’m not.

I want to go to them, to find them in whichever corridor they’re in, take off my shoes, and slide in my socks with them. To laugh and wrestle.

But I also know I can’t be distracted.

Seeing all three of them messing around in the hallway means I’m free to explore Dov’s room without interruption. I won’t have any of them demanding to know what I’m doing. What would I say even if they did? Would I tell the truth? That I’m looking for a connection to the outside world… to do what, exactly? Contact the police and tell them everything? I’m not sure I’m going to do that, even though I know it’s exactly what I should be doing. I want to protect Dov. Mysterious, strong, nearly silent Dov. He’d been trying to protect me. Can I really see him punished for that?

A part of me likes that he went to such great lengths to protect me. I want someone to stand between me and the rest of the world. That he’s gorgeous and intense and interesting helps, of course.

I shake the thoughts from my head and focus on what I’m doing. I don’t need to make any decisions right now. Just knowing I have access to an internet connection will change things for me. It’ll give me options—choices—something I’ve been lacking lately.

Dov’s screens are set up in a double row, with one set lined up just behind and higher than the first. It makes up eight screens in total, and each screen is split into several other screens. How many cameras does he have positioned around the hotel? Countless.

I’ve never been very technically minded. I know how to work a phone and a laptop if I can use text-to-speech, but that’s about it.

There’s a mouse and a keyboard. I give the mouse a jiggle, wondering what will happen. One of the screens changes, so it’s no longer showing the split screen of video feeds, and a box comes up requesting a password.

I hesitate, unsure how to proceed. Of course, I have no idea what Dov might use as a password, and even if I knew what it might be, I most likely wouldn’t be able to spell it. I wonder what’s hidden behind the password. Does he have access to the internet?