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Has he said that as a way of trying to make me feel bad about his truck? I do, a little, but I’m still more pissed than guilt-ridden. I can see I’m not getting anywhere, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to go away and shut up like a good little girl. No, I’ll come up with another plan. I have no idea what it is yet, but I’m not just going to roll over.

I prefer this spark of anger to the hopeless nothingness that’s kept me bedridden for the past few days. No, it’s not been hopelessness. It’s heartbreak. I am brokenhearted over the lie Blake made me believe and how both his sons did nothing to correct it.

“How long have I got?” I ask.

“What do you mean?”

“How long am I going to be prisoner here?”

“You mean how long until the thaw?”

“That’s about the same thing, isn’t it?”

“It depends how long the winter lasts, but we’re talking months.”

Stupidly, I think of the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be my first without my dad. I won’t be able to buy gifts or go shopping for food.

I sniffle. “So I’ll miss Christmas?”

Lines of concern appear between his brows. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

I fix him with my gaze, my hands on my hips. “One of the many things I’m worried about. And I’m not worried. I’m just sad. It’ll be the first one without my dad.”

“Shit, Pen. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that. No, you’re not. You planned all of this.”

“I’ll make it right for you, as right as it can be. I’m sure there’s a tree in the basement, and we can still decorate. Do homemade gifts?”

Stupidly, my brain goes right to the drawing I’d planned of the hotel for him. I shouldn’t want to gift this man anything. What about Dov? What would he like from me? And Levi? I’m pretty sure Levi would be content with an IOU for a blowjob, but that’s hardly festive, is it?

Shit, am I really thinking about how I’ll spend the holidays with these men? They don’t deserve anything from me. Certainly not my time or thought or attention. But the idea of months here, estranged from the men who’ve become a part of my heart, hurts almost as much as being in their company.

“We have decorations,” Blake continues. “They’re kind of old… well, probably considered antique now. They’re boxed up in the basement. If it helps brighten this place up for you, then we can go get them closer to the time. Whatever it takes to make you happy, Pen.”

How about going back in time and letting Tobias live? How about never making me believe I was the one responsible for his death? How about not seeing a vulnerable young woman at her father’s funeral and deciding to bring her back here for you and your sons to use as their fuck toy?

“I miss you, you know?” he says.

“I’m right here.”

“No, I miss who we were before…”

Before I found out.

His words hurt, because I miss him, too, so much. “Yeah, well, you were the only one responsible for that.”

“I know. I just want to make it right.”

“You can’t.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes. If I have to spend the rest of my life on my knees before you, then I will.”

My eyes prick with tears. I want to be able to forgive him. I wish there was a way of going back in time and reversing everything that’s happened, but such a thing is impossible.

“You can go now,” I tell him. “If you won’t help me leave or get access to the outside world, there’s no point in you being here.”

“Fine. But we will get past this. I know you need some time, but eventually we’ll get back on the right track.”