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“I have to work,” she said in a small voice. “I can’t lose this job.”
My breathing was ragged. It had been that way for a while. “Yes, you can. You fucking can. Are you kidding me?” I tried to calm myself. Failed utterly. “Get in my fucking car now,” I said through my teeth.
I was parked close, and she knew which car was mine, so she simply moved toward it without another word. I opened the passenger door and handed her in.
I was able to take a deep breath then. She was in my hands again, at least.
I got into the driver’s seat, grabbing the steering wheel so I wouldn’t touch her. I didn’t look at her as I spoke, “Anything to say for yourself?”
She didn’t even bother to answer, her gaze aimed out the window.
I started to drive. It was simple. I was going to drag her to my house like a caveman.
We drove most of the way in heavy silence.
Finally I spoke. I couldn’t keep it in one second longer.
It wasn’t pretty.
“You’d rather our child had no father than—” my voice choked on the words, and I couldn’t continue for a moment. I made myself finish the sentence, but it was an effort, “—me?”
She still didn’t look at me, but she did answer me. “I knew it wasn’t what you wanted. I’d rather he had no father than one that hadn’t wanted him. I know what it’s like to be unwanted. There’s nothing worse.”
I couldn’t speak for a long time. Even when I’d composed myself enough to say something, the tears in my voice were evident. “He?”
She had both her hands on her belly, and it was covetous. I could tell she thought this baby was hers alone. Not fucking likely. Not anymore. “It’s a boy,” she confirmed quietly.
“And I never would have known,” I was choking out each word, “about my son if I hadn’t run across you at the mall by chance.”
“With your hot date,” she said dully.
I ignored that. It was the least significant thing that was happening here. My pain receded just enough for the rage to take over. “Did you know you were pregnant when you left me?” I asked her.
She didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
It was like she was a stranger. “You fucking bitch.”
She didn’t even flinch.
“Did you think I’d react poorly?” I asked her, trying to make sense of it. Trying to find some reason behind her doing something so senseless and frankly cruel.
I’d never been as angry and disappointed in someone as I was with her in that moment, but in spite of that, I pushed those feelings to the side and stuck to the point. To the only thing that mattered now.
“Did you think that I’d pressure you to do something you didn’t want to? I don’t understand,” my voice was trembling with fury, “I cannot even fathom how you could have thought I wouldn’t take responsibility for this. You fucking knew better.”
“I knew better,” she agreed quietly.
“So why?” I asked, voice agonized in spite of my efforts at composure. “How? How could you leave me when you knew?”
“I thought it was for the best. I’d already ruined your life enough.”
“Because I had to stop teaching? You think that ruined my life? That was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to you trying to take my son away from me, to erase me as his father. How dare you?”
CHAPTER THIRTY
NOVA
My mind was scrabbling, trying to keep up with what was happening, all of the changes that were coming at me so fast it felt like whiplash.