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I look up from the desk—as does Havoc from the newly purchased dog bed beside me—when one of the Saints walks by the office yet again. Sully left a virtual army of Saints behind, and they're patrolling the bar, my parents', and Sully's, like prison guards. I don't mind it, though. Not when it means Sully is also safe.

A lot of the men are retired military or self-employed or volunteering guard duties before and after their day jobs. I'm not sure how Sully managed it or even came up with the schedule, but he's got a complete roster of men on rotation and every hour accounted for.

Havoc settles down again but blinks up at me, raising his doggy eyebrows to do so. I smile at the sight. "I know. It's making me crazy, too. You ready to go see your daddy?"

Havoc lifts his head and cocks it at an angle, the intelligence in his eyes bringing another lift to my lips. "Time to get my butt kicked," I say to the dog. "Wanna go see Lawson?"

The dog recognizes that name for certain because he rises and then sits patiently while I grab my keys. We head for the door.

I managed to convince Sully to go with Gabe, the fire chief, to catch up on things he's put off because of me and all the drama. Maintenance on his truck, for instance, because the dashboard had lit up like a Christmas tree a few days ago. He's also overdue for a physical to keep his certifications and in danger of being sidelined because of it.

Gabe promised to act as Sully's bodyguard, and I know the two men are close. I'm hoping that while they're out, maybe Gabe can help sort through the things Sully isn't saying to me.

I don't imagine being with someone like me is easy. Especially for a protector at heart.

My counseling appointments have gone to virtual, and as I've discussed the goings-on with my therapist, I've become even more aware of all I've endured. I didn't think it possible to dig any deeper into my marriage, but we have, unearthing the levels of Thad's manipulations and actions like an onion I'm peeling back one horrific layer at a time. I see the abuse now, though I also saw it at the time but was not able to identify it for what it was.

Part of me nods that yes, it all happened. While another part of me is appalled by how much I've buried or excused or quite frankly, disassociated from. Getting better and tackling mental health isn't for the weak. Especially when I'm still discovering just how abusive and toxic our relationship was years after it ended.

I'm free now. Or I will be free as soon as Thad is caught. Though I'm no closer to figuring out a way of luring him out into the open while surrounded by guards, and Sully and the others flat out refuse to consider my suggestion that I use myself as bait.

My session with Lawson ends with slow claps, and I turn to find Sully, Gabe and Kace grinning at me. The trio are all tall, handsome men of various ages but finely honed. I feel my face flush as I smile and take a small bow, earning a chuckle from Lawson.

"You did good—but don't get too cocky. Remember, the goal is to⁠—"

"Buy time to get away," I recite.

The giant of a man nods. "Sully going back on shift?"

"Tomorrow morning," I say absently as I use my teeth to pull at the wraps on my hands.

"I want you to take Havoc and keep him until this mess is handled. Even when Sully's home."

I open my mouth to protest, but one look at Lawson tells me I'm not going to win. And, frankly, I don't want to. I adore Havoc and the time we've spent together while Sully's at work. "Okay. Thank you."

"You know you just gave my bed to your dog, right?"

Sully mutters the words as he joins us, eyes twinkling as he tugs me close and kisses me in front of all of them. It's just a peck, and a quick one at that, but I'm not sure I'll ever get used to his affectionate nature. It's as much a part of him as his protectiveness. And his bluntness.

I slide him a look and say, "At least Havoc doesn't snore."

The guys burst out laughing while Sully makes a point of looking offended.

I take a quick shower while the guys talk, and then we head out of the building as a group. As usual, two of the Blackwater Saints wait outside and straighten when they see us.

Sully escorts me and Havoc to our next stop at the Pelican. This is our routine now. And other than being constantly watched and feeling as though my ex could jump out of the shadows at any moment, I realize it's okay.

But only because Sully is at my side.

Yup. I'm…there. It's the big L word for me, and everything in me wants to say it out loud. But now is the worst time.

So I don't. Even though I hope I don't regret it.

Chapter 42

Sully

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