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It was the most painful part of his story, and something about it, knowing what he’d put himself and the people he loved through, pained me.

More than once through his two-hour long dialogue, he wept. It was a completely different Alexander than I knew, but I stuck through every word, wishing I could wrap my arms around him.

By the time he finished, we both watched the sky start to lighten up on the eastern horizon. He didn’t ask me anything as the conversation came to an end, and even if he had, I wouldn’t have told him. This was about more than whether or not I still trusted him. The things he told me were hard to hear, and I could make excuses like he said. I could say he was a different person then or he had his own issues, but making excuses doesn’t make it any easier to accept. He fucked up, and yes, in some ways, he was fucked up.

But I still trust him.

We don’t get to love people because they are perfect or because they’ve made every right decision. Love is not a reward for good behavior. Love is unconditional because the strongest love endures the hottest fire. And after tonight, knowing more than just the beautiful facade of a man I met in the pool house, I fell in love with him even more.

Before we hang up, I hear the security guards opening the door for him, and we say our goodbyes. He sounds lighter, like everything he has been carrying was weighing him down. But also because even if I’m not with him, he knows he isn’t alone anymore.

CHAPTER 34

SUNNY

There is no real graduation ceremony for the program. On the last night in the loft, we throw a party and reminisce. Some of us are celebrating new jobs, and a lot are just celebrating an accomplishment.

Me? I’m just ready to get home.

Before the party kicked off, Valerie pulled me aside to let me know there was an opening for a commissioned piece in Belize. It would only be a two-week job, but the expenses were paid for, and the job was mine if I wanted it.

“There will only be more after that,” she said before leaning in for a hug.

I never fully answered her, but she basically said I had about a week to decide, though I shouldn’t take that long.

The whole thing keeps spinning around in my head as I ride home with Cadence. My few things are packed in a duffel bag in the back seat. Alexander and I have only spoken briefly since that night he spilled everything. I feel his distance now, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s keeping himself away from me or if he wants to give me time to consider my next choice.

But I don’t need time.

I’m going home with Cadence, but I won't be staying. That isn’t my home anymore. Alexander is my home, and there is nothing stopping me from going to him. It’s the most scared I’ve ever been in my entire life.

What if he broke his promise? What if he moved on? Has grown tired of me and no longer sees a future with me?

The girl who he met almost a year ago is a far cry from how I feel today, ready to take the biggest leap of my life. I’m going to ask him to go to Belize with me. I want him there, every step of the way, and if he says no, then I’ll be turning the job down. I can’t leave him again. As much as my pride wants me to pursue that job, my heart wants a future with Alexander more.

As we pull up to the house, I feel Cadence tense beside me. She’s been quiet the whole way home, and I know she’s up to something. I quietly pray it’s not a surprise party. I’d hate to be rude, but I need to be alone with Alex today.

When she heaves a heavy sigh as we pull into the driveway, I see my mother standing on the welcome mat. She’s about twenty pounds lighter and her eyes are brighter, almost as bright as her smile.

“She didn’t leave early, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Cadence says with a hesitant smile. “I think it really took this time.”

My heart pumps wildly in my chest. Seeing my mother like this, so clearly, is almost difficult to accept. When I step out of the car, she walks toward me hesitantly.

“Hi, baby,” she squeaks, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

“Hi, Mom,” I reply, my voice cracking, and then I’m in her arms. She squeezes my body tight against hers, and I feel her heart hammering too.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up. I don’t want to enjoy this version of Mom too much, for fear that it’s just a phase and that she won’t be around to stay. But today is all about taking leaps, so I decide to jump headfirst and wrap my arms around her, too.

When she feels me hugging her back, she sobs into my shoulder. And we just stand there like that for a long moment, not saying anything as we both cry. I don’t know when my eyes started watering, but for the first time ever, I feel safe with my mom. Safe enough to cry for her.

Cadence takes my bags inside, and I meet my sister and mom around the kitchen island. Mom tells me all about her program and her new hobbies, which apparently include bread making. We laugh together as a family, and it’s nice, but I’m still restless.

When it grows quiet, I look at the both of them. “I can’t stay,” I whisper, waiting to see the disappointment in my mother’s eye.

Instead, there is understanding.

“We figured,” Cadence answers with an easy laugh. “Mom’s been taking him sourdough, and I think he’s actually starting to warm up to her.”