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I nodded numbly. “She is in the Southern Sea. We took Ping’er’s body to her family there.”
“She would have wanted that.” He hesitated, before saying, “Thank you. You saved me again.”
“Did you not say we should not thank each other?” I smiled, my first real one in a long time.
He thought for a moment. “Perhaps I was wrong. Thanking you brings me joy too.”
His hands slid up my arms, drawing me close. I should have pulled away, but I was weak after the turmoil of the past days. Leaning against him, my head settled into the curve of his neck. The feel of him, so familiar yet thrilling, almost undid my resolve. Blood rushed to my head, my skin tingling with the awareness of him. How I wanted to press myself against the warmth of his skin as we fell upon the soft folds of the cloud. My heart quickened, my arms tightening around him, before I forced them to loosen.
It would be nothing more than a final farewell, delaying the inevitable hurt. I pulled away, hating myself for the confusion that flashed across his face. His body tensed as his hands fell to his sides. Surely he wondered at the change in my behavior, so different from how I had been on the moon.
As loose strands of his hair fell across his brow, I suppressed the urge to brush them away. He was not mine; he never would be again. His mother had made sure of that. I thought I could bear it as long as he was safe, but this was far harder than I had imagined.
I braced myself, my skin damp with dread. “I cannot marry you.”
His eyes went wide and dark. “Why?”
I stumbled over the words, for the empress had bound me to lies. “The rift between our families. I thought we could overcome it, but I was wrong.” The empress’s accusations held a grain of truth that I had never let myself examine, afraid of what I might find. These seeds of doubt had been sown long before, from the moment I fell in love with my enemy’s son.
“Our parents are not us. I will find a way to make things right.”
As he stepped toward me, I moved away. “Your father tricked mine into surrendering his immortality. Trapped him into a mortal existence.” Anger seared me as I forged onward, using the truth as a shield. “What of my mother’s imprisonment? The attack on my home? Ping’er’s death? How can I marry into your family when yours only wants to destroy mine?”
The cold vehemence in my voice was that of a stranger’s. I had never spoken to him this way before, not even when we had fought in the Willow Song Pavilion—when he accused me of deception and worse. It was not easy; I hurt too. Yet I used every remnant of resolve, every scrap of resentment I ever bore against his kin to bind myself together—my nails digging into my palm, stinging, as the skin broke.
Liwei shook his head. “This is not like you, Xingyin. What is the matter? There is nothing you can’t tell me and whatever it is, we can work it out together.”
He was wrong; there was no way forward for us. I had sworn on my mother’s life, and I had done so to keep him safe. I racked my mind for something more to say, something that would irrevocably destroy all we had fought for, all that we were—even though it would break my own heart.
“The way things are … we can never be together.” My words emerged fractured.
“Is it him?” Liwei’s voice was low.
Wenzhi. Who else could he mean?
Liwei’s expression hardened as he leaned away to study my face. “You can’t forget him.” A statement, not a question. Laced with sadness and irrefutable knowing.
My throat went dry. I smothered my instinctive protest as my mind raced. A torment to see his pain, even as I hurt too—yet this might be the only way I could fulfill my vow to the empress. Even then I could not choke out the false admission … in the end, my silence serving as a louder confession than anything else might.
“It is why you let him visit you, why you kept your distance from me in the past year. You did not pull away but neither did you come forward. Even after all he did”—he paused, holding my gaze—“you still want him.”
I flinched inwardly, looking away—whether from confusion or guilt, I no longer knew. Lies and truths, interwoven so tight I could no longer tell them apart.
“I’m sorry.” Somehow, I managed to keep myself steady, watching the light in his eyes dwindle until the black was all that remained. How I hated myself for giving Liwei cause to believe this so readily of me, for hurting him, for hurting us.
“What will you do?” he asked.
“Nothing. I cannot be with him after what he did.” A relief, to speak honestly at last. “But you deserve better than a divided heart, as do I.”
“It would be enough for me.” He spoke with such intensity, it stole my breath. “I could help you forget him. We could go back to what we were.”
“No,” I made myself say. “We cannot rewrite the past, nor can we foresee the future. It would not be fair to make promises we cannot keep.”
He raised a hand to my face, his fingers trailing slowly down my cheek. “I told you once, my heart is yours, that it will always be yours. I hope one day you will want it again.”
He moved away from me then, clasping his hands behind his back as he stared into the horizon. The ache in my chest sharpened, almost splintering apart. Just ahead, the curve of the Southern Sea glittered. Before entering its waters, Liwei cast an invisibility enchantment over himself, disguising his aura. Perhaps the guards had grown accustomed to my presence, for they no longer appeared to escort us through the passageway. Yet I would take no chances, channeling my magic to mask Liwei’s presence from those guarding the entrance.
One of them halted me. “What spell is this?”