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As am I. Once, I had wanted nothing more than my family reunited, my home restored, a life with Liwei. And now, all those things were within my grasp, yet happiness eluded me still. Victory was not as sweet as I had imagined, or perhaps it had cost me too dear.
“Where will you go?” I asked.
Shuxiao’s eyes glazed over, a faraway look in them. “Home. I have been gone far too long. My brother will take my place here. He is of age, and this is what he wants. For me it was always a matter of duty.”
I basked in the warmth of her joy, though I would miss her dearly. “What will you do then?”
“Nothing.” She drew the word out, savoring it. “It would be good to spend a few decades doing just that.”
My chest clenched with envy, that I might never be so free. Shameful, for she deserved better. “Nothing?” I repeated with a smile instead. “What does your new friend, the formidable General Mengqi, think of this plan?”
It had been nothing more than a teasing guess. Together, they had orchestrated the rescue of the Celestial Emperor and the prisoners from the Jade Palace. Somehow, the animosity that had sparked between them had morphed into a grudging respect. Shuxiao spoke of the general several times after, in friendship I had thought, if not for this deep flush spreading across the back of her neck. I had never seen her so affected before, and I was both thrilled and afraid for her. Shaking my head, I cast my trepidation aside. Love did not wound all who reached for it.
An answering smile lit Shuxiao’s face. “She will join me, now that … things have changed in the Cloud Wall.”
I flinched. Now that Wenzhi is dead, was what she would have said, had she not suspected I grieved for him still.
“I am happy for you,” I told her as she rose to leave.
She leaned over and hugged me. “Let yourself be happy.”
It was what Wenzhi had told me with his final breath. A wish for my happiness, alone, knowing he could not be with me. Tears pricked my eyes, which I blinked away, the pain in my chest piercing so deep I could not breathe.
Someone knocked on my door, an attendant rushing to slide it open. Zhiyi stepped into the room, the hem of her brilliant green robe almost brushing the floor. Lilac orchids were embroidered on the skirt, along with azure birds that stretched their wings as they chirped.
She inclined her head in greeting. “I am leaving tomorrow and wanted to bid you farewell.”
I concealed my surprise. “That is most thoughtful of you.”
An immortal peach gleamed in her hand. Ripe, with a luminous blush from its stem to tip, a radiance emanating from its skin. “Liwei gave me this for my husband. If a mortal is not suffering any internal illness, this will extend their life. We will have time to wait for the elixir. Liwei has promised it to me, though it will be years before it is ready.”
“I am glad you will have it,” I told her with feeling. It still weighed on me that she had given up the elixir, that my parents’ happiness had come at the cost of hers. I had not forgotten my vow to her—it was one I would keep even though she had not demanded it of me, even though the urgency had passed. The most binding vows were those from the heart.
“I must go,” Shuxiao said, rising to her feet.
“Safe travels.” As I extended my hands to her, she clasped them tight. I did not want to let go, but then she released me and left.
Zhiyi’s gaze slid across the attendants hovering behind me. “Leave us.” She did not raise her voice, yet it was laced with unmistakable authority. Without a protest, they hurried out, closing the doors after them.
“Are all royal children born with that skill?” I asked.
She sat down, arranging her skirts as they pooled on the floor. “When I lived here, I preferred to be alone. There were too many who spied on me, on my stepmother’s behalf.”
“I am sorry they did.” Not for the first time, I was grateful for my own childhood, simple and solitary though it had been.
“When your wedding date is set, I will return.” Her smile dazzled, an echo of Liwei flashing in her black eyes. “We will soon be sisters.”
Wedding? I reeled from her words, spoken with such sincerity and certainty, unlike the whispers of the court. “Liwei and I are not betrothed.”
Her smile vanished. “Why do you look so frightened? I thought you wanted this, that you cared for my brother. It is certainly what everyone else believes.”
I met her stare without flinching, tired of strangers prying into my affairs. “That is between Liwei and me.”
Her face hardened as she stood. “A warning then. Do not toy with my brother’s heart. I will not forgive you if you do.” Without another word, she strode toward the door.
“Wait!” A question sprang to my lips, one I had not known I wanted to ask. “Do you regret it? All you gave up to live in the Mortal Realm?” The crown had been her heritage, but it would be my shackle.
She did not speak at first, toying with the jade bangles on her wrist. “No, because what I gained was far more. It’s not a sacrifice when there is love enough.” Her eyes fixed on me. “A question in exchange for yours. Do you love Liwei?”