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Heart of the Sun Warrior

Page 10

by Sue Lynn Tan

“I did not refuse.” My tone was sharp, my nerves taut. He had a way of stirring me that I did not like. “I will accept, once we resolve certain matters.”

“Like how you might stop Their Celestial Majesties from trying to murder you, their intended daughter-in-law? Ask yourself, does the present empress appear content with her lot? Or whether you could really be happy, locked in the gilded cage of the Jade Palace for the rest of your days?”

“Fine words from the one who locked me up before.” I infused each word with scorn, concealing how close he had struck to the mark.

A dull flush crept up his neck. “Xingyin, don’t marry him.”

“How dare you,” I seethed. “You are nothing to me, less than nothing after what you did.”

“Could you forgive me?” A strain in his voice, which was usually so steady. “If only we could start over—”

“There is no starting over, it is over, Wenzhi.” Something pulsed through me as I spoke his name. A vestige of the past, something I must learn to quench. “I am happy. You thought you knew me but you did not. You only saw in me what you wanted, a tool you could mold to your liking.”

“As you did in me,” he countered. “Did you ever see the real person behind the Celestial Captain? Did you ever try? Or was I just a stand-in for—”

“Enough.” I raised my voice, careless in my fury. “We were both mistaken in each other, and regardless, ‘we’ are at an end.”

He shook his head. “We had a bad start, you and me. Both of us were liars and frauds, hiding who we really were.”

“Bad start?” I repeated disdainfully. “Don’t play word games with me. Don’t try to diminish what you did. And don’t you dare compare us. I did it because I had to, not because I wanted to.”

“As did I.”

“You did it for yourself. Your ambition. To take a crown.”

His jaw clenched. “I’m not one for futile tolerance, to meekly accept my lot. I seek my own opportunities, make my own luck. Why should I let myself and those under my protection suffer when my brother was the heir? Why shouldn’t I reach for more?”

His words mirrored uncomfortably what I had felt before; the ambition burning in me when I had fled to the Celestial Kingdom. Could I truly fault Wenzhi for this? Perhaps I had not suffered as he had—who knows what I might have been driven to do, to keep myself and my loved ones safe. Who knows what darkness might have bloomed in my heart, the honor I might have discarded to survive.

No, I told myself. I had been tempted, I had faced unspeakable danger and yet, I had not lost myself. I was not like him.

“This is not about ambition. I fought for what I wanted, but never intended to hurt anyone. While you—” I could not finish the sentence, choked by the memory of his betrayal.

“I never wanted to hurt you.” His eyes pierced mine, pale ash in the moonlight. “I was mistaken in thinking there was nothing more important than the crown. I know now, there is nothing more important to me than you.”

He spoke with such sincerity, as though he had not lied to me and taken me captive, stolen the dragon pearls, and along with them, my hope of freeing my mother. Not to mention his vicious plan of destroying the Celestial Army. He had let Liwei and me go, but that did not erase what he had done. I could never forget how he had clasped my hands in his and promised me his heart—and how much I had desired it then, ignorant of the treachery that lay within.

I dug my nails into the flesh of my palm. “I do not care. I want nothing from you.” If I was vicious, he had made me so. His was no minor offense that could be swept aside; my nature was neither so magnanimous nor forgiving.

“Then why are you here? Why are you talking to me?” He was relentless. Yet there was a shift in that he did not push forward, merely standing his ground.

“Anger. Curiosity,” I flung back. “Why do you come here? Not just tonight, all the nights before.”

“Need you ask? For a chance to see you.” A harsh breath slid from him. “I regret what I did to you.”

“Easily said when you have accomplished everything you set out to. You are your father’s heir; the kingdom will be yours.”

His gaze pinned mine. “Ask me to relinquish it. Tell me what you want.”

“Would you truly give up your position?” My voice rang with disbelief.

He did not flinch. “Is that what it will take for you to give me another chance?”

“More word games, Wenzhi? Must you always play to win?”

“You play the same way.”

“You are wrong,” I told him. “There are some games I will not play. Sometimes those who think they have won are the greatest losers.”