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“Yes, yes,” Simon said, knowing that Effie was referring to the reluctance both his and Archie’s now-wives initially had to the idea of marriage. “It’s not the same.”

“How is it not the same?” Archie asked.

Well, for one thing, neither of your wives were being blackmailed when you met them.

Still, Simon had decided there were no circumstances under which he would expose Diantha’s secret. And it wasn’t relevant, not really. He was here because he needed the boys to help him figure out how to get Diantha to marry him. That it would solve her blackmail problem was a convenient benefit, but it wasn’t his chief motivation.

His chief motivation was love. The assurance of his future happiness.

He continued to feel terribly ill.

Perhaps his chief motivation ought to be to get his stomach to settle.

“I wonder if I ought to raise Miss Brown’s wages again,” Archie said. “How much do you think a lady would require to retire to a charming cottage in an overly literally named town?”

“I beg your pardon?” What was he talking about?

“I can’t imagine how you are complaining about overly literal names,” Effie said, sniffing, but he threw out a number.

Archie countered it, and soon the two of them were engaged in a discussion over the cost of Diantha’s dream cottage.

“Given that it isn’t for sale at the moment, you will no doubt have to offer more than it might otherwise be worth,” Effie said.

“This isn’t helping,” Simon said.

“Oh, but it is,” Archie said.

“You’re getting off topic,” Simon said.

“Are we?” Effie asked.

“Yes! You’re supposed to be helping me think of ways to convince Miss Brown, who is opposed to the institution of marriage, to marry me anyway.”

“That is precisely what we’re doing,” Archie said. “If she has her cottage, then and only then will she be truly free to marry you, should she choose to.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Once again, I remind you that I have some experience with women who profess not to want to marry. Effie does, too.”

“Oh yes, indeed,” Effie said.

“The trick, with this sort of woman, is to make it so she doesn’t have to marry,” Archie said.

Oh. Oh.

“Think of it as the opposite of blackmail,” Archie said.

Blackmail. The very thing Diantha was trying to escape. They had a point. Was marriage to Simon any better if Diantha was only choosing it as the least bad of various fates?

“Would you call that whitemail?” Effie wondered.

“But what if, under these hypothetical circumstances in which she is entirely free to choose her own fate, she doesn’t want to marry me?” Simon asked. “What if she doesn’t … choose me?”

“Then she doesn’t choose you,” Effie said gently. “Then you shall be heartbroken. We’ll help.”

“What he’s saying,” Archie said, “is do you want to marry Miss Brown if she doesn’t want to marry you? Do you want to marry anyone who doesn’t want to marry you?”

“No, of course not.”