Page 71

River looked at her with concern and climbed over my body, his foot landing square on my already uncomfortable groin. “Fuck,” I groaned, and Goldie did her best to hide her laugh.

River paid me no mind, ignoring my obvious discomfort as he finished climbing over me and inserted himself right between Goldie and me. He nestled into the blankets, laying his head on the pillow, and handed his stuffed alligator to Goldie.

She looked at him in surprise. “What is this for?” she asked, taking it and holding it to her chest.

“He makes me feel better,” River explained sleepily as I pulled the covers over him. “He makes the bad dreams go away.”

Goldie glanced at me, her eyes wide as tears threatened again. I reached forward and wiped one from her cheek. She smiled at me, then leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss into River’s hair. River smiled softly, his eyes fluttering closed.

I sighed, getting ready to stand. “I’ll take him back to my room.”

She grabbed my arm and shook her head. “Stay…” She glanced down, then looked back up through her eyelashes. “Please stay with me, Lex.”

“I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me.” I looked at my son, who was now peacefully sleeping between us. “As long as you’ll have us.”

And I hoped that would be forever.

Goldie

Ihad a vague understanding of what my job was before… well, before it was lost in the chaos of my own mind. I knew I worked at an academic journal of sorts, I knew I was in charge, and I knew I enjoyed it. At least… that’s what Lexington had told me. It was strange having the culmination of my past told to me by someone else—someone I wasn’t sure how to feel about.

Lexington had become a safe haven, the only safety I had. There wasn’t any pressure to be who I used to be when I was with him. With the people from my past who knew me—knew me better than I knew myself—it felt impossible to be around them. I had to perform a part I was never given the script for. I was on a stage; the lights were so bright I couldn’t see the crowd watching me, but I could feel their anticipation like a breath being held, waiting to be freed.

In many ways, I felt the same. Everything I used to be was right there—so close I could almost feel it, but lost in the darkness. I was holding my breath every moment, waiting for it to be freed, but it never came. There was no large rush of memories where it all came surging in like a wave in the ocean, nor a trickle in my day-to-day life as though I’d left the faucet dripping to keep the pipes from freezing in the winter.

Lexington had given me a space where I didn’t need to perform or play the part of who I used to be. He allowed me to simply be—to find myself in this new reality I was forced into. He accepted my scars, and even the wounds that were still open and bleeding freely as I recovered from that hellhole. He knew me before; it was obvious, but he didn’t hold me to that person. Not only did he allow me to simply exist, but he seemed to like this new, broken version of myself.

It was strange, exhilarating even, to be wanted. And want me he did. I could see it in the small smiles he gave me when he thought I wasn’t looking, or when he would intentionally rile me up just because he liked listening to me argue. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but there was something about him that made me want to argue. I wanted to push his buttons just as much as he wanted to push mine. Living with Lexington… well, it was fun. I didn’t forget the nightmares, but I could live with them now and still find joy in the world around me. He had shown me how.

“Goldie Girl,” River called from his spot at the kitchen island. While I couldn’t remember my job before now, I was doing rather well at my current job: accidental nanny to River Bosede, the carbon copy of his father.

I turned to him, resting my elbows on the island in front of me, giving him my full attention. Our days together were easy—not in the sense that things were always smooth. River was a young child, just barely out of his toddler years, with an attitude to match his father's. The two of us managed to bicker back and forth in the same manner Lexington and I did. But my days with River were free from the stares, the pity, and the worry that most people gave me these days. I wasn’t broken to him; I wasn’t a survivor to him. I was simply his Goldie Girl. “What’s up, kid?”

He held out his bowl, only a few noodles left over from today’s lunch of boxed mac and cheese. “More pwease!”

I smiled and took the bowl, scooping another helping from the pot for him before sliding it back across the island to him. We had learned that pre-made food or boxed meals were best. I didn’t seem to be much of a cook. He dove back into his bowl, taking large bites as he devoured his meal. I swear that kid didn’t eat for three days in a row and spent the fourth devouring everything I put in front of him. Lexington said it was normal, but I still found it a bit strange.

The doorbell rang, drawing my attention and aggravating my already-present headache. I made my way out of the kitchen, propping the door open on my way to keep an eye on River as I answered. The two cops who followed me around vetted any strangers who tried to approach the house—even the poor mailman—so whoever was here was either approved by them or the officers already knew they were safe.

I peeked through the peephole to see an unfamiliar face, though most were. I pulled the door open, keeping one hand on the handle and the other on the doorframe, acting as a barrier between the stranger and River. “Can I help you?”

A woman a few inches taller than me and a few years older stood on the stoop. She smiled softly, her blue eyes kind and her dark brown hair sitting just above her collarbone. “My name is Theo. I know you don’t remember me,” she began, and hiked her bag up on her shoulder. “But I’m Lexington’s sister-in-law. Can I come in?”

I squinted at her, trying to decide if she was telling the truth, and she must have seen my anxiety. She reached into her bag and pulled out a phone before dialing quickly. She switched it to speaker as it rang.

“Hey, Theo, what can I do for ya?” Lexington’s voice sounded through the speaker. My shoulders relaxed instantly, knowing he at least knew this woman.

“Hey, Lex.” She kept her eyes on me. “Do me a favor and tell Goldie I’m your sister-in-law and can be let into your home?”

A brief pause passed before Lexington’s light laugh sounded. “Why in the world are you at my house?”

Theo rolled her eyes. “Lex,” she chastised.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, his voice growing louder. “Goldie, she’s legit, I promise. You can trust her, and if you can’t, you can trust me when I say she’s safe.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Anytime, baby. Gotta go, but call if you need anything,” he answered quickly, and Theo’s brows shot up in surprise. “Theo?”