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“Daddy?” River asked, breaking through the fog. He was scrambling off Oliver’s lap and running through the waiting room.

I dropped to one knee, opening my arms to him and pulling him close when he was finally in my reach. I breathed in his scent. I heard the sound of footsteps coming toward me, but I kept my eyes closed, grounding myself with River.

“Is he okay?” I heard a voice around me ask. I had a feeling it was Theo. She always worried over me.

“Panic attack, I think,” I heard another voice answer, but I was too busy trying to remember how to breathe to discern who it was.

I just held River tightly, and he held me back with just as much fervency, sensing the dread that sat heavy in my stomach. His arms were tight around my neck, his little head resting on my shoulder. I felt his heartbeat thrum steadily against me, and lost myself in knowing that despite everything else in my fucked-up existence, River was okay.

So was Goldie. Relatively so.

A jagged breath ripped its way through me as I slowly came back to myself.

It was Oliver who finally got through to me, crouching down so he was eye-level with me. “Lex… look at me.”

I peeled open my eyes, seeing Oliver just in front of me, one hand on my shoulder. “Is she okay?”

I shook my head, my voice quiet. “She doesn’t remember, Oliver. She… she doesn’t remember.”

He raised a brow. "Remember what? You?”

“Anything. She doesn’t remember anything.”

Goldie

“It’s post-concussion syndrome,” the doctor explained. I glanced to my side to see… I wracked my brain trying to remember.

Fai.

It was Fai. I wasn’t sure what he was to me, but it was obvious he cared, treating me the way I would assume someone would treat their child. He had dark brown hair and caramel eyes that were kind and understanding. He also had my insurance information to give to the doctors, so I was even more grateful for his presence.

He had been by my side since that first day after Lexington disappeared. I had a feeling Fai wasn’t supposed to see me as quickly as he did, considering security guards came running into my room after him. But I insisted he stay, because I needed him. I wasn’t sure why, but in the same way he treated me like one would a child, I trusted him the way I assumed one would trust their own father.

“Is it permanent?” Fai asked the doctor.

The doctor shook his head. “Not usually. I’m a bit concerned it hasn’t begun to resolve on its own. I’m hoping that with her being back in her old environment, along with proper therapy and medication, we will start to see improvements soon.”

“What about Silas?” I asked. We had been here for just over a week now, both of us receiving countless scans, being pricked daily for bloodwork, and taking countless bottles of medication. While my mind was worse off than his, Silas’s body had a long way to go. He was deficient in nearly every vitamin he needed and still had no idea how the world worked. He was practically glued to me these days, and we had only been separated twice. The first when we were interviewed by what seemed like every police officer and detective within a fifty-mile radius. Now was the second time and the only reason we were separated now was due to him meeting with a social worker.

The doctor smiled calmly, not bothered by my intrusion or my question about Silas. Everyone in this hospital understood the two of us were a package deal at the moment. “He’s okay. His eyes are doing well with adjustment, but we still recommend he wear sunglasses anytime he’s outside. His vitamin D levels are seeing improvement, though we won’t know the long-term effects of the deprivation.”

We were supposed to be discharged today, but we didn’t know where we were going. I had a home, I had been told, but I didn’t remember it. I wasn’t positive I could pick it out if it were presented in front of me. Silas was a different story. He was a minor and had been informed his parents were no longer here. I did know he had two older brothers, but Silas was hesitant to go with them. I wasn’t sure why, and he wasn’t sharing.

“Where does he go? He can come with me.” I didn’t know if I could take care of a sixteen-year-old, and I probably wasn't in a place to take care of one as damaged as he was. Not that it was his fault; it was my own damage that made me worried.

Fai softly took my hand in his. I held back the instinct to flinch, reminding myself that he was safe to be around. “We’re arranging a place for him now. He doesn’t want to go with his brothers and needs to stay in Eugene for medical care, at least for now. Do you remember Jackie?”

I closed my eyes as I filed through the memories of the last week. There was a woman with dark brown hair and blue eyes, and skin so pale but so incredibly beautiful. A man who reminded me of Lexington, but I couldn’t place why—he was tall, unbelievably tall, with dark skin and kind eyes. There was Fai’s wife, a kind woman with soft words who brought me clothes. I couldn’t remember their names, but they weren’t Jackie. That left only one: the bubbling blonde who came in like a hurricane but left making me laugh. I liked her. “Blonde hair?”

“Exactly.” I opened my eyes at Fai’s confirmation to see him smiling faintly. “She and her husband are getting a room ready for him now. They’re with the social worker currently, so he’ll meet them before he leaves. We don’t know how long he’ll stay with them, but they’re ready for it to be years or days.”

“He gets to decide if he goes and how long he stays. Okay? He gets to decide,” I insisted. Silas had very few choices in his life, and though I wasn’t in a place to take care of him, I would still protect him the way I had promised in that dungeon. Fai nodded in agreement, and I let out a breath of relief. I squeezed his hand softly. “Can I go home? My home?”

I wasn’t sure if they would let me be alone, but it was all I wanted. I wanted to be in my space, even if I didn’t remember it, and take a moment to just be. I hadn’t had a moment alone since I awoke in that dungeon. I was ready for time to myself. I also hoped that being surrounded by who I was… am… that I would remember it all. That I would feel like myself again, whoever that was.

Fai’s smile dropped slightly. He wasn’t angry, just concerned, and I appreciated his worry—grateful I had someone in my life to worry about me. “Is that what you want?”

I nodded.