Page 99

The words should have terrified me. They did, somewhere deep in the part of my brain that understood danger, that had evolved to recognize predators. But another part—the part that had spent years being invisible, being unwanted, being told she was nothing—stirred at the intensity of his focus. He sees you. He sees all of you, and he still came back.

“Why?” The question tore out of me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why am I doing this? Because you belong to me, bluebird. I’ve told you that. I’m going to make sure we’re together again, and that man pays for how he took you from me. He is the monster here.”

“Stop.” My voice cracked. “You don't get to act like you saved me. You took me. You locked me up.” I tried to make sense of this. He took you, Starla. Stop needing him, stop falling for his charm and his warmth. But he was already etched into my bones, there was no going back.

“I kept you safe!” The sudden volume made me flinch, and he saw it, and something in his face crumpled. He reached out, then pulled back, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. “I kept you safe,” he said again, quieter, almost pleading. “I was there. I was always there. And then you left, and the world got so loud, Starla, so loud and so dark and nobody understood, nobody saw⁠—“

His voice broke on the last word, and I saw it then. The place where Milo ended and Malakar began, or maybe where they'd always been the same person, just wearing different masks for a world that couldn't handle the truth of him.

“I remember,” I said, and the admission cost me something I couldn't name. “I remember the way you used to bring me wildflowers. The way you'd sit with me in the dark when the nightmares came. You were the only good thing at one point. You were my Milo.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his whole body trembling. “Don't call me that. He doesn't exist anymore. I killed him. I had to kill him, because Milo was weak, Milo was too broken.”

I reached out, my hand hovering near his cheek. He leaned into the space between us like a flower seeking light, his breath warm and uneven against my palm.

“You're the only good thing in my world,” he whispered. “The only thing that makes sense. When I look at you, I remember who I was supposed to be. And then I remember what I am, and the gap between those two things—“ He laughed, broken and bitter. “It's a long way to fall, Starla. Every time. Every single time.”

His eyes opened, and they were wet, shining with something that might have been tears or madness or both. “I know what I am. I know what I've done. But I also know that when I'm with you, the noise stops. The world gets quiet. And I can almost believe that I’m good.” He caught himself, shaking his head. “It doesn't matter. Belief is just delusion with better lighting.”

“Is it?” I asked. “Or is it the only thing keeping either of us from drowning?”

He stared at me, and for a moment, the mask slipped. I saw Milo in the softness of his mouth, in the vulnerability of his gaze. I saw the boy who'd loved me before I knew what love cost. And I saw Malakar too, the man he'd become, carved from trauma and obsession and a devotion so absolute it had become indistinguishable from destruction.

Instead of responding, he kissed me.

His mouth crashed onto mine, demanding nothing less than surrender. I broke apart against him. My ass hit the wall. My head thudded after. I was pinned against my monster.

He stayed against me for a second, like he could glue the broken pieces of me back together with just his palm. He nuzzled my neck, breathed me in. “I’ll be back for you.” Then he slipped out. He moved through the house like a ghost, vanished back into the black night from where he came. The door barely made a sound.

I stood there. Every inch of me ached. My lips pulled into a smile. I couldn’t help it. This moment was mine.

What are you doing, Starla?

I didn't have an answer. I didn't know if I ever would. But as I climbed the stairs to the bedroom I shared with a man I hated, I realized something terrible and true: I was my mother's daughter after all. I loved monsters. I always had.

The only question was which monster would finally be the one to destroy me.

Chapter 40

Blood In The Cradle

Starla

The stick in my hand showed two lines. Two fucking lines.

I had to wait until Brandon was gone to walk to the pharmacy down the road. My card came a few days ago thankfully, so I was able to purchase a pregnancy test.

I still had money in my account from before I got kidnapped. I had a weird feeling that I could be pregnant. I wasn’t sure why I would be feeling so nauseous all of the sudden lately. Along with fatigue, and the fact that my period was late.

Shit, shit, shit. This cannot be happening.

I could not be pregnant, not with the life that I live. I wasn’t even sure how Brandon would react if he found out.

Was it even his?

The realization hit me that it could be Malakar’s unborn child. The timeline matched up. If that came to be true, there was no way I could keep this child. What would I tell the child once they were old enough? Sorry, honey, your daddy was a serial killer who kidnapped me.