Page 77

There you are, little bluebird. Still breathing. Still mine. Still pretending a different cage meant freedom.

I wasn’t going to hide the monster anymore. The monster has consumed me, and I was going to become the creature in the dark.

Chapter 28

Why? Why? Why?

Starla

There were no chains in sight. There was no blood stained onto the floor. My feet could roam whenever they wanted to, yet I did not feel safe. I did not feel free. With Brandon, the walls felt more suffocating, and I wished that I was anywhere else.

If I had to choose between Brandon or Malakar, the choice would be easy. Malakar was sick, but Brandon? Brandon was empty. That terrified me.

It should have been Brandon to be my knight. It should have been the man with the normal house, the normal bed, the normal life waiting. It should have been the man who pulled me out of the farmhouse and away from the thing that kept me in the dark. But it wasn’t. Brandon would never be my knight in shining armor. He was the creature that pulled me into the abyss with him and swallowed every piece of who I used to be. He shattered my essence and molded me into his obedient little bitch.

Brandon didn’t have a sad mother whispering in the corners. He didn’t have a cruel father. His childhood was actually fairly normal. Well, not totally normal, but not as traumatic as mine and Malakar’s.

I wished the monster from the farmhouse would take me back, and I hated that.

Brandon paced back and forth in front of me. He was cloaked in anger and hatred. I could see his hands shaking, the thoughts turning in his head. I didn’t want to go back to being his puppet. To being isolated and beat on.

But, wasn’t that your life with Malakar too?

No, that was different. I shook away the thought. Malakar, though he was twisted about it, he respected me. He wouldn’t do the things that Brandon does, not when he’s good. There were two sides of Malakar.

One was good and only wanted to love and to be loved. There was a sad little boy inside of him, wishing he could have grown up differently. The other side is his monster when he goes into his blacked-out stages of violence and anger. It wasn’t him though, not really. It’s just a defense mechanism born out of deep-rooted trauma and abuse.

There was only one side to Brandon. An empty monster.

I wasn’t a doctor. I didn’t need to be one to know there was something wrong with him.

Something empty. Something rotten.

Brandon stopped pacing and looked at me. My stomach dropped because I knew that look. It was the look he got when he was about to do something terrible. The look he got when another man glanced at me too long. The look that meant he had already decided I was guilty, and now he was only waiting for me to confess.

“You’re thinking about him,” he snapped.

My mouth went dry. “I’m not.”

“Don’t lie to me, Starla. You were always shit at lying.”

I looked down at my hands. They were still shaking.

He laughed under his breath, but there was no humor in it. “Look at you. Sitting in my house, breathing my air, and you’re still thinking about that freak on the floor. I can’t believe you fucking cheated on me with him.”

“I didn’t cheat!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up. “I left you, Brandon. We were over. He kidnapped me and forced me into sexual acts with him. I swear.”

“You begged me,” he said. His voice was low now, almost calm. That was worse. “You stood there, shaking like some pathetic little thing, and you begged me not to kill him. Don’t tell me it was all forced, when you fucking begged. You should’ve never left me in the first place.”

I swallowed hard. “At least he respects me. Maybe if you did that more often, I wouldn’t have left.”

His face changed. “What did you say?”

I should have stopped. I knew I should have. My body knew it too. Every nerve screamed at me to shut up, lower my eyes, make myself small. But something in me was so tired. So fucking tired.

“You didn’t come to save me,” I whispered. “You came because someone else had me, and that tore you up inside because you truly believe that I’m your property.”

For a second, he said nothing. Then he crossed the room so fast I barely had time to flinch. His hand gripped my jaw, forcing my face up.