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You’re not going anywhere, bluebird, you can’t fly away now. Not ever.

Chapter 10

Barely Human

Starla

Something was seriously wrong with Malakar. His darkness terrified me. It’s like he wasn’t even present sometimes. Just gone. Like there wasn’t a soul inside of his body. I wanted to tear his heart open and just see what was inside.

Was it all black on the inside?

I had to get away, but what would happen if I tried?

Visions of all those skulls appeared in my mind. The empty eye sockets. The stringy hair falling away. The floating hearts in jars. The names carved into the wall. The blood stains on the floors.

I didn’t want to end up like them.

I wondered why monsters always found their way to me. Was I doomed from the beginning? I had a father who butchered women in our house. Did that create some kind of curse? Maybe there was a sickness wrapped around my blood, a disease dripping down the generations, turning us all into meat for the dark.

I pulled my knees to my chest, rocking on the corner of the mattress. The room was quiet except for my own shallow breath and the distant, haunted creak of the old house. Sometimes, when I was alone, I whispered to the ghosts.

“You’re okay, Starla,” I muttered under my breath. “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” The words didn’t sound real. Nothing did anymore. Was I even here? Or already another voice in the cracks?

I saw my mother’s face floating above me. Her hair was all tangled, drifting in some invisible current. Her lips moved, but the words were just air, no sound. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palms to my ears. “Go away,” I pleaded, voice cracking. “You’re dead. You’re dead, Mom. You left me. Don’t haunt me now.”

But she stayed, hovering, as if she was stitched to my skin.

The door creaked open. I flinched, curling tighter. My pulse stuttered.

He said nothing at first, just stood, watching me with those hollow eyes. I stared at his hands. Was there blood under the nails, or just shadows? I couldn’t tell anymore. He was holding a tray with a plate and cup of water with ice in it.

“What do you want?” I whispered, hoping he would go away. There was something off tonight. His eyes were twitchy, and his hands kept clenching, then unclenching.

Uh oh.

I hoped he wouldn’t do anything weird. I was on my period. It wasn’t heavy due to the fact that I was malnourished. But there was a slight on and off flow.

“You’re trembling, bluebird.” He set the tray down and inspected me.

Was I? I looked down and realized my hands were shaking. My body was too. Small little tremors. I was dizzy with it.

“Please, I can’t take anything tonight. I just want to be left alone.” I hoped he would oblige. Maybe there was a heart inside of him. Maybe he would see my pain and walk away.

But monsters didn’t care about things like that. They only wanted to break things until the pieces fit better in their hands.

Malakar stepped closer.

I pushed myself back, but there was nowhere to go. My shoulders hit the wall. My breath hitched.

His eyes dropped to my stomach, then lower, then lower. A strange look crossed his face. “What is that?”

I froze. “What?”

His jaw twitched. “The blood. You’re bleeding.”

My skin went cold. Shame poured over me. There was blood staining the sheets, though the sheets weren’t clean to begin with. Without a pad or a tampon, the blood leaked down my thighs.

“It’s nothing,” I whispered. “It’s the time of the month I bleed. All women do it.