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But this lifetime had already ruined us. We are too broken.

A sharp, throbbing ache blooms right behind my ribs. Saying those words to him felt like tearing a scab off an old, deep wound and watching it bleed all over again. I knew what it had cost him to say that to me, to admit that he still saw a version of us where we won. And I knew my response had cut him just as deeply.

We were intentionally destroying each other, piece by piece, because it was safer than admitting how much it hurt to let go.

I get out of my car and head into my home. I quickly brief my team and head to my bedroom. Tomorrow at noon, I would walk back into his space. I would help Sara. I would play the part of the reliable ally. But as I tried to fall asleep, the reality of the situation settls over me. Every tick of the clock until tomorrow is just a countdown to the end of us.

Chapter forty-two

Lana

The first thing I do when I woke up was call the hospital. Isa told me that Emin’s still in critical condition and if his situation changes, he’d let me know.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worrying.

The best way to help Emin right now is to take down Dario. That’s why I’m back again at Noa’s estate. Sara buzzes me in, and she doesn’t sound like she’s too happy that I’m back. I’ll have to get over it.

Senad dropped me off, and now I’m walking towards his villa. The walk does me good as it clears my mind before I’m greeted by a somewhat nice Noa and angry Sara.

“Stay outside. He wants to talk to you.” I don’t register Sara at first as she walks out of the door with her arms crossed.

“Oh, okay.” I wait for Noa, and after a couple of minutes, he walks out of his villa.

I’ll never get over how good this man looks at any given second.

“Can we take a walk?” he asks me, and I nod. We don’t say anything to each other as we walk and stop at an open field, with his villa in the distance.

“Can I ask you something?” His question catches me off guard, and I’m wary in an instant. When I look at him, I notice he is nervous. I’m dreading what he’s going to ask. I nod, nonetheless.

“Why do you believe I killed your father?” He isn’t asking me this question to get some information out of me; no, he’s asking out of concern.

“Why do you want to know? You’re not my main target anymore. Don’t worry, I won’t kill you. Yet.” I try to diffuse the situation by winking at him. Noa doesn’t take the bait, and he keeps looking at me with that pleading look.

“Lana, please. Why are you avoiding my question? I want to know.”

Fuck.

“If I’m going to be honest with you, then you’ll see how broken I actually am,” I tell him, and I feel the foot of the elephant coming off my chest. Slowly. Subconsciously, my hand gravitates towards his. A tethered line needs to be connected again. To drive my point home, I decide against it. I catch Noa nodding slowly at my refusal to touch him—sadness etched across his face.

“Then we’ll be broken together. Please, tell me.” How am I supposed to stay factual and distant when he talks like that? He is the best assassin I know, and he’s masking a lifetime of hurt he doesn’t let anyone show. But me.

“Do you know how conflicting it is for me to talk to you about this? How I feel? How I think? I’m supposed to be hating you.” I try to stay firm in my way of talking, and his willingness to listen completely obliterates that.

“If we are going to work together to take down Dario, I need to know everything. What happened that dreadful night and how you feel.”

“Why? Why do you need to know that?” I don’t even give him a chance to respond to my questions. I stand up and look at his estate while he is standing behind me.

“Fine, ignore how you feel. I don’t fucking care.” The tone in his voice indicates that he does care.

Fuck my fucking life.

My baba and mama taught me how to kill, but also how to love and forgive. Yes, they were ruthless, but they were also human. I thought that I had buried that humanity, but this man showed that it could still be there.

Time to show some honesty. “From the moment I was born, I was trying to prove myself. And along the way, it broke me.”

Then I tell him about the first time the first crack started to show how broken I actually am.

Even while we were in a relationship, I couldn’t lie when his eyes were full of worry. Noa has permanently placed himself in my heart, and no amount of forgetting can change that. He isn’t only indulging in my fantasies; he encourages them because he understands me. All my life I couldn’t find the right person who wouldn’t judge me. I have been told that I am too strong, too aggressive, too everything.