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To Eternity With Love

Page 64

by Rebecca Joyce

I had believed him because he had never given me a reason not to. Now I understood there were ways to lie without changing a single word. No one had found us that night, but that didn’t mean no one was looking.

Another page trembled between my fingers.

Salvatore was speaking quietly on the kitchen phone when I entered with Henry against my shoulder. He stopped in the middle of a sentence and ended the call without saying goodbye.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“Business.” He took Henry from me and kissed the baby’s dark hair. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

“I thought you didn’t have business anymore.”

His gaze lifted to mine, and the pause lasted only a second. “I have you. I’ll always have business if it keeps you safe.”

I pressed my fist against my mouth, but the sound still escaped. It was grief stripped of tenderness, a wounded noise I barely recognized as mine. Salvatore had been the only person who saw me clearly. He had asked what I wanted, listened when I answered, and given up everything because I asked him to protect our son.

Yet he had looked into my eyes every day in Montana and decided I couldn’t be trusted with the truth of my own life.

“You knew.” I wasn’t speaking to Rurik. I was speaking to the handwriting beneath my fingers, to the man buried where my anger could never reach him. “You knew, and you let me believe it was only Nolan.”

Rurik remained on the other side of the table. He didn’t interrupt, offer comfort, or try to protect Salvatore from the accusation.

I shoved back from the table so violently the chair scraped against the floor. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you trust me?” My voice broke over questions that had no living person to answer them. “I was your wife. I was Henry’s mother. I had the right to know what was coming for us.”

The file blurred behind my tears. I struck my palm against the table, once and then again, as if pain could force an answer from paper. “You promised there would be no more lies. You promised we would decide together. How could you leave me with this after you were gone? How could you make me find out when I couldn’t scream at you, when you couldn’t hold me, when you couldn’t even tell me you were sorry?”

My knees gave way. I sank into the chair and folded over the file, sobbing above the evidence of everything Salvatore had carried without me. Loving him had survived torture, murder, and four years of absence. I hadn’t known it would also have to survive betrayal.

One afternoon, I found him beside Henry’s crib, watching our son sleep. There was such sorrow in his face that I wrapped my arms around him from behind.

“He’s safe,” I whispered, believing Salvatore was grieving the day we might have to surrender him.

Salvatore covered my hands with his. “I’m going to keep him that way.”

“We will.”

He turned and kissed me with desperate tenderness. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Madigan.”

I had mistaken terror for sadness. I had believed his fear began and ended with Nolan, never understanding that Nolan was only the threat Salvatore could name without changing my world.

“Don’t defend him,” I warned when Rurik shifted.

“I wasn’t going to.”

I looked up, surprised by the absence of an argument.

Rurik’s face was unreadable except for the grief in his eyes. “He was afraid. That doesn’t mean you weren’t entitled to the truth.”

Fresh tears slipped down my face. “Then why obey him?”

“Because he believed telling you would place Henry in greater danger, and I had no evidence he was wrong.” Rurik glanced toward the file. “He didn’t order me to bury it forever. He made sure it would reach you if silence stopped protecting you.”

“After he was dead.” I touched the handwriting again, hating Salvatore and loving him with the same broken heart. “He left me the truth when he knew he wouldn’t have to face what it did to me.”

“Yes.”

The honesty hurt, but it didn’t insult me. Rurik didn’t ask me to forgive my husband because he was dead or call secrecy another form of love. He allowed space for the truth that Salvatore had been frightened, devoted, and wrong.

I returned to the file. I read until every page gave me another reason to understand Salvatore and another reason to rage at the grave that kept him beyond consequence. Eventually, the documents thinned beneath my hand, and a photograph slipped free near the back.