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To Eternity With Love

Page 42

by Rebecca Joyce

Mom came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. In the dark window, our reflections stood together—two women shaped by Nolan’s cruelty in different ways, both still learning what survival had cost.

“You are a beautiful woman. Both inside and out. You have so much love to give. Salvatore wouldn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. If he loved you as much as you loved him, he’d want you to find love again.”

“I’ll never find a love like that again.”

“No, baby,” Mom said, holding me tighter. “You won’t. You’ll find a different love. One no less magical, no less consuming.”

Different.

The word didn’t ask me to erase Salvatore, return his ring, or make peace with his grave. It suggested only that the heart might hold more than one truth without making either one a betrayal.

I looked at Mom’s reflection. She spoke so gently about the life she wanted me to have while standing inside a life she still refused to claim for herself.

“What about you?” I asked, wiping at my face.

“What about me?”

I turned in her arms. “You didn’t love Nolan. You love my father, and I know he loves you. You can be together now.”

Mom let her arms fall and stepped back. “That’s not the same thing. My time has passed.”

I brushed away the last of my tears, suddenly aware of how easily women could mistake punishment for loyalty. “You’re here. In his house.” A faint smile pulled at my mouth. “In his bed. But you won’t let yourself be happy. This is your time to finally have what you’ve always wanted.”

She shook her head. “No. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“What are you talking about?”

She returned to the table and sank into the chair. Tears slid down her face as she looked at the papers between us. “It’s my fault you lost everything, Maddie. I don’t deserve to be happy when you aren’t.”

I sat beside her and took her hand. “Mom, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have said that. I was angry when I said that. I’d just found out that Cian was my father, and I felt like I missed out on having my dad in my life.” My throat tightened. “He was quick to remind me that he’d always been there for me. The way a dad should.”

The truth settled more gently than it once had. Cian had missed the title, but not the love. Nolan had owned the word father and failed every duty attached to it.

“Do you know what would make me happy? What makes every child happy?” I asked. “Seeing my parents together, loving each other. He loves you, Mom.”

“It’s not that simple, Maddie.”

“Why? You just told me Salvatore wouldn’t want me to be alone. That he would want me to be happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to be loved.”

Mom stared at me as though being offered love frightened her more than anything Nolan had done. Maybe cruelty had become familiar enough that happiness felt like the greater danger.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” she said.

I narrowed my eyes. “What kind of deal?”

“I’ll live my life if you live yours.”

I shook my head.

“Mom, it’s not the same. You have a chance to be with the man you’ve loved your whole life. Mine is gone. He’s never coming back.”

“Your husband is never coming back, and I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life.” She lifted a hand before I could interrupt. “It was my husband who gave him to the monster who killed him.”

“But you didn’t know. You didn’t know Salvatore or Henry existed.”

“But I should have known what Nolan was up to. I chose to bury my head in the sand for my own peace of mind.” Her voice broke, but she held my gaze. “It was wrong, and nothing you say will change my mind... but you have a child. A child who one day will know what you gave up for him. And he will tell you the same thing that you are telling me now. It’s okay to live, Maddie.”

It’s okay to live.