Page 36

BRYNN

Thankfully, I get a bed to myself tonight. My emotions are too mixed up to deal with sleeping between Tate and Ares again, and after what happened with me and Ares, all I really want is some distance from him. He seems to feel the same way, as he goes into the other room in the suite with Callan, leaving me and Tate to take the other two beds.

It takes me a while to fall asleep, but eventually the exhaustion of another long travel day wins out, and I pass out. I don’t have any more dreams, thank goodness, and when I wake up in the morning, I at least feel a little bit rested.

Of course, what happened yesterday is still on my mind. I can’t stop replaying the way Ares touched me and kissed me, the things he said. It was like he couldn’t live without me. His hands were everywhere, and every kiss seemed to be urging me on for more. For a little while, it was like how things used to be between us, when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and needed to sneak off to have sex every chance we could get.

But it didn’t stay like that. How could it have with everything between us? I remember how cold and distant he looked when he pulled away from me, like all the warmth and affection had been sucked right out of him. I still don’t fully understand what happened to us. I heard what he said last night to Tate and Callan, but…

It was like a switch flipped back then. One day we were happy and the next he was telling me I betrayed him. And he was so sure about it too. Like he had irrefutable proof that I was the one who turned our whole relationship into a lie.

Back then I was too stunned and hurt to really do much to argue with him. Last night, I was too tired and hurt to try to get to the bottom of what he thought happened. Probably I should have tried harder to convince him that whatever he thought I did didn’t happen. That I would never have done anything to betray him or what we had. But I could barely stand to look at him, knowing that he thought I was the kind of person to use him and then throw him away like that. Part of me thought it wasn’t worth trying to make him see the truth if he was so stubborn and blind to it.

None of that answers the question of why any of it happened, and I still don’t understand. I wish I did. Maybe then I would be able to move on for good.

Or… I don’t know.

Some part of me still cares about Ares even though I don’t want to. Maybe it always will.

Ugh. It’s too early in the morning to be thinking about this, especially with Ares in the next room. We still have to get to our final destination, hopefully today, so I put all those thoughts out of my head and get up to start getting ready.

As I push the blankets back, Tate shifts and yawns from the next bed. When I look over, he’s propped up on one elbow, watching me through bleary eyes.

“What?” I ask, knowing I sound defensive. But it’s hard to be here with the three of them now. They’re Ares’ friends, his support system. After last night, I feel even more like an outsider that they’re all going to judge for what Ares said I did.

Tate doesn’t look like he’s disgusted with me or anything though. His eyes are serious, but a little smile spreads over his face.

“Seriously, what?” I demand.

“Nothing. Good morning.”

“Good morning,” I reply, knowing there’s more to it.

“About last night…” he starts.

I heave a sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think maybe we should, though. I keep telling you that whatever is going on between you and Ares is between the two of you and has nothing to do with what we’re doing. I don’t think you believe me though.”

I do and I don’t. Tate hasn’t tried to pry deeper into what happened with us, and he hasn’t let Ares being pissy about it stop him from flirting with me and trying to hook up any chance he gets. But if Ares is his friend, how long can that really go on? And after the blow up last night, Tate must be rethinking things.

“I believe that you want to believe that,” I finally say.

He snorts and shakes his head. “So stubborn. I know things are rough with you and Ares right now. It would be weirder if they weren’t, considering how much history the two of you share.”

“Right,” I mumble, getting off the bed and starting to move around the small room. I guess on the bright side, Tate isn’t automatically taking Ares’ side. He’s not accusing me of being a terrible person who hurt his friend. That’s something.

“And this might be out of line for me to say,” he continues. “But it seems to me like there might be something still there between the two of you.”

I open my mouth to deny it, but I can’t even make the words come out, no matter how much I want to. After yesterday, I’m not sure what we’re doing anymore. How can there be something there if Ares doesn’t trust me? All the good sex in the world won’t fix it if there’s a lack of trust, and Ares made it pretty clear that he doesn’t trust me at all.

And even if there were something there, I can’t deny I’ve developed a strong attraction to Tate too. I have no idea what to do about that. The whole thing is so incredibly messy that the reasonable part of me is shouting that it’s time to walk away from it all.

“Look, I…” I take a breath. “I didn’t know anything was going to happen with Ares. I wasn’t just waiting around for a chance to jump him or anything. It just… happened.”

I feel stupid for feeling bad that I slept with both of them, but here we are.

Tate smiles. “It’s fine, Brynn. We didn’t make any promises to each other, and we still don’t even know each other all that well. And anyway, I don’t do relationships, so I’m definitely not looking for exclusivity with the women I hook up with. It doesn’t have to mean anything serious.”