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You Are Mine

Page 121

by Alex Lake

Mary wasn’t sure brilliant was the word. She was also not sure that this would turn out how he wanted.

But she was quite sure that she was going to die.

‘So what next?’ she said.

‘Otis and Sally will arrive,’ he said. ‘And then this party will really start.’

There’s Something You Haven’t Thought of

‘Don’t hurt them,’ Mary said, a desperate note in her voice. ‘Please. The fact I’m gone will be bad enough for them already. They don’t need to suffer any more.’

‘I don’t want to hurt them,’ Ryan said. ‘I just don’t want anything to do with them. That’s the problem. Once you’re gone everybody will expect me to look after them. And I want nothing to do with them.’ He studied her. ‘That’s why the best thing is for them to die in the fire, too. Best thing for me.’

‘No,’ she said. He meant it, she had no doubt about that. ‘Please no. They can live with my parents. Or their own father.’

There was little chance of that, but now was not the time to say it. Their father had never been much of a presence in their lives at all. When you first met him, Eddie was very charming. They had gone to parties together where Mary had introduced him to her friends and he had shaken hands, looked people in the eyes, listened to what they had to say – he was a great listener – and asked questions about their lives. He made people feel comfortable; her friends thought he was fantastic, the life and soul of every party.

When she had fallen pregnant with Otis, she had taken a test and told him the good news.

Well, he said, it’s unfortunate but at least we have some options.

What do you mean?

It’s early. It won’t be pleasant, but it’s the right thing to do.

She realized he was talking about having an abortion. She was not anti-abortion but she was choosing to have the baby. She was in her early thirties, in a steady relationship with a man she thought she loved, so why would she terminate this pregnancy?

Eddie had not agreed at all, and in his disagreement she had seen another side of him. A week later he went on a trip to Arizona with an old college friend, Joe. When he came back he was distant and cold. She asked him what was going on and he told her that if she wanted to have the baby, that was fine, but it would be her responsibility.

If she wanted to have the baby that was up to her, but he could not promise to stick around.

Hearing that was like a knife to whatever part of her was the most important, and the most sensitive, but she knew that, whatever happened with Eddie, having her baby was what she was going to do.

And then, when Otis was born, Eddie turned out to be a dutiful and loving father. She put aside her concerns about him; now he was a dad, he had become the man she hoped he would be.

That lasted until Sally was just less than a year old.

I never signed up for this, he said. It’s too much. One child was a burden, but at least there was some freedom. With two I never have any time off.

Neither do I, Mary said.

You’re the one who wanted them.

He went on another trip with Joe, and when he came home two weeks later, he announced that he needed some space and would be going to live with his cousin in Washington DC. Incensed as she was by his behaviour, Mary had been here before. She assumed that once he’d had his break, he’d come home.

He never did. He sent presents for Christmas and birthdays, but after a few years even those dried up. Over the years she had tried to get him to engage with the children, but he barely returned her phone calls. In the end she realized that he was just not capable of being a father: it required too many sacrifices, it required putting other people’s needs ahead of his own, and that was not something he could do. The superficial charm was exactly that: superficial. Underneath there was nothing of substance.

But compared to Ryan he was a saint, and unless she did something soon he would never see them again, even if he wanted to.

There had to be a way out.

‘Don’t do this,’ she said. ‘We can find another way.’ She turned, her cheek against the pillow, to look at Carl. ‘How about this? You tell Allison she’s fine, that you have nothing against her any more. You pretend it’s all true, but all in the past.’ She turned to Ryan. ‘Then she feels safe. As for you and me – we call it a day. Forget this ever happened. Allison will feel safe, and you’ll be free.’

Ryan shook his head. ‘That’s not going to happen. First, I can’t trust you. I need Carl out of the way, and you’re how I do it. And second – why do I need another way? I have the perfect solution already. And besides, I’ve put so much work into it. I’m an artist, Mary – and why would I spoil my greatest creation?’

He turned towards the door.

It wasn’t working. She had to try something different, and in the corner of her mind the glimmer of an idea formed. ‘Hang on,’ Mary said. ‘You’re missing one thing.’ This really was her last shot. It was risky – she did not want to upset him – but there was nothing else.