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The Duchess’ Second Chance

Page 62

by Hazel Linwood

He summoned her again after dinner.

Amanda had debated long and hard what to do about dinner. Ought she and Rose to join Sampson at the table? After the apology, but before the kiss, she’d have said yes. But the kiss had thrown everything into disarray once more, and again she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.

In the end, she’d decided that it would be better to eat in Rose’s room for one more night, and she’d had their dinner sent up. Rose had watched her with the eyes of a hawk, but thankfully, she hadn’t said anything about it. She seemed to have surmised that Amanda was finding the whole thing too difficult and painful to discuss at the moment. That wasn’t going to last forever, though. Eventually Rose was going to want answers, and Amanda knew well how insistent her young charge could be when there was something she wanted.

They’d eaten their meal without any further incident, though, and Amanda had told Rose she was going to go to bed early and that Rose ought to do the same. Rose, who would ordinarily have protested an early bedtime, had taken the instructions in stride.

There is definitely another side coming to all that. She’s going to have a lot to say about this once she feels the time is right.

The summons to Sampson’s study had been waiting for Amanda in her room, in the form of one of the maids. “His Grace says you’re to come at once,” the maid had said, bowing her head. “Forgive me for speaking so harshly…”

“No, it’s all right,” Amanda had assured her. “I know they aren’t your words, and you do have to tell me what he said and how he said it. Thank you. I’ll be on my way there at once.”

She had done so, not even bothering to make herself comfortable by putting her hair into a looser style. Surely this wouldn’t take very long. He wasn’t going to kiss her again. He was probably just going to tell her that it had been a mistake to do so the first time. And he ought to be able to do that quickly enough.

She knocked on the door.

“Come in.” His voice was muffled.

Amanda opened the door and went inside. He was sitting at his desk with a ledger open before him, and he didn’t look up as she entered. The detachment of it chilled her. Was this the same man who had held her in his arms just hours earlier, who had kissed her as if she was the river and he was dying of thirst?

He cleared his throat, still not looking up. “My apologies,” he said gruffly. “About earlier.”

It was nothing like his last apology. There was nothing in this one that even might be real. He was saying what he thought he ought to say, nothing more. And recognizing that, she found she didn’t care about receiving a genuine apology. “It’s all right,” she said coolly, even though nothing felt that way. “Is that all? I’d like to get to bed.”

“In a moment. I’ve been thinking…” He drew a deep breath and set his pen down. “There’s really no reason for the two of us to be married, is there?”

Amanda’s blood ran cold. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I heard the things you were saying earlier. You don’t need a husband. What you need is a home. A place to stay where you and Rose will not be at risk. You needn’t worry. I’ll never do anything to try to take that from you. But perhaps I was a fool to think we needed to make this a marriage. I think it’s giving…both of us…confused ideas about what we are meant to be to one another.”

He means he thinks I’m confused. He thought she was losing track of the things they had agreed to.

Maybe she was.

“I’ve been looking into the procedure for annulling a marriage,” he said. “We ought to be able to do it, if you think it’s something you might want. It helps that our courtship was so short, of course, and it will also help that we hold such high rank and that I am recently back from the war. I can make the arrangements as soon as you would like.”

“So then you’ve decided. You’re going to annul our marriage.”

After everything. This was how it was going to end. She felt sick to her stomach.

“I’m not going to do anything,” Sampson corrected. “I’m leaving the choice to you. That’s what you told me you wanted, wasn’t it? You wanted to be included in decisions, trusted to make your own choices. So I give you this one. If you wish to be finished with our marriage, you may tell me, and I’ll begin the process of annulment.”

Amanda opened her mouth and then closed it again, unsure of what to say.

I don’t want that.

But he certainly seemed to. And what could she do? Beg him to stay?

I can’t be married to a man who wishes he wasn’t married to me. I can’t put myself through that.

He had promised that she and Rose would have a home either way—so why did it feel as if the worst possible thing was happening?

She backed toward the door. “I can’t do this,” she breathed, her heart splintering. “I can’t. Not tonight.”

He frowned, rising slightly to his feet. “I don’t mean to put pressure on you. To force you into something uncomfortable. Truly, I just want to know what you want.”

She was dizzy. “I…I don’t know what to say.” Of course, this wasn’t about what she wanted. He couldn’t expect her to believe that. He had kissed her, and now he was pulling away from her. Her hand fumbled for the doorknob.