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Her gut clenched as she said the words, and she suddenly drew her hand back. Wasn’t he telling her that this was the reason he had married her? That the only reason she was here was to assuage his guilt over what had happened to George? What would happen if she convinced him that it hadn’t been his fault after all?

Will he turn me and Rose out? Will he send us away? We don’t have anywhere else to go. Father won’t take us back in

Honesty compelled her to tell the truth—to tell him that she didn’t hold him responsible for what had happened. She couldn’t have him thinking that he owed her anything. That was a sickening feeling.

And yet, by telling the truth, she might be sabotaging herself in an irredeemable way.

Anger spiked within her. It was his fault that she was in this position to begin with. He hadn’t been responsible for George’s death, but it had absolutely been his choice not to tell her the truth about why he wished to marry her. If he had only been honest, she could have entered into this with her eyes open…or perhaps chosen not to enter into it at all.

That’s why he didn’t tell me. He knew that I might not choose it. He didn’t want me to have all the information so I wouldn’t be able to make an informed choice.

“You’re angry,” he said. “I know that look on your face. You say it isn’t my fault, but I can see that you’re angry.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated, her voice tight.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Just because I don’t hold you accountable for George’s death doesn’t mean that I can’t be angry with you,” she said. “You misled me. You outright lied to me, in fact. You told me that you wished to marry because George had asked you to, but he never asked for anything of the kind. You used me to assuage your guilt, that’s all it ever was. And you couldn’t even be honest with me about what you were doing!”

“But this benefitted you too,” Sampson protested. “You needed a husband…”

“I didn’t need anything,” Amanda snapped. “I managed on my own for years after George left. Every possible thing was against me, of course. I was thrown out of George’s house because I hadn’t provided an heir. I went back to my father, but he didn’t want me there. And I had Rose to tend to. Still, I managed, and I would have gone on managing for the rest of my life.”

“You were about to be forced to marry a horribly uncouth man!” Sampson protested. “You did need someone to step in.”

“This is exactly your problem,” Amanda snapped. “You take responsibility for what’s happening with everyone around you. But George’s death was not your responsibility. And neither is my life. My problems are my own to solve, and not for some man who doesn’t even know me but has decided without my input to take control to sort out!”

She fell back in her seat and folded her arms tightly across her chest.

For the rest of the carriage ride home, she didn’t so much as look at Sampson. She couldn’t bear the sight of him right now.

Her whole marriage had been built on a lie. And while his intentions might have been noble, the fact of the matter was that he had robbed her of the power to make her own choice.

In a way, he was no better than her father.

CHAPTER 27

“All right, Rose,” Amanda said. “Why don’t you read the next page aloud?”

She sat back in her chair as Rose focused on the book in front of her and began to read. Over the past couple of days, Amanda had devoted herself to Rose’s lessons, leaving Mrs. Linden with almost nothing to do. The governess had complained, but Amanda hadn’t stepped back. She needed something to do with herself—something that would take her mind off of what she had learned about Sampson.

Her mood kept shifting back and forth, and into all kinds of strange states, every time she thought about it. On one hand, she did feel very sorry for Sampson. How awful it must have been to watch a friend die, and to know that it had only happened because he was trying to save your life! Of course, he was tormented by that.

On the other hand, the lie he had told…he didn’t seem to think that it mattered very much, but, of course, it did. It changed everything. This was the reason he hadn’t come to find her right away when he’d returned home from the war—he must have believed that she wouldn’t wish to marry, at least for a time. And then he had seen her arrangement and decided that he’d needed to save her…

It had all been so much more palatable, somehow, when she had thought George had asked for it. But George had never said any such thing. Sampson was just trying to ease his own conscience. He was using Amanda to move past something he thought was his fault.

None of this has ever been about me at all.

Rose, she suddenly realized, was not reading. She looked down at the girl to see if there was a problem, but Rose was just staring up at her as if waiting for something. “Did you need help?” she asked. “You ought to be able to manage this book. We were reading from it yesterday, remember? And you did fine then.”

“Of course, I can read it,” Rose said dismissively. “These are easy words, Amanda. I don’t really even need to practice this. I read some of this book the other day while you were busy talking to the kitchen staff about whatever you were discussing with them. I can do this on my own.”

“Well, why don’t you show me?” Amanda encouraged her.

“Because I don’t want to.” Rose closed the book. “I’m more interested in what’s the matter with you lately than I am in this.”

“What?” Amanda frowned. “Nothing is the matter with me, Rose.”