Page 53

It is happening. I am being taken to the grove for the proposal. I shall try to remember what occurs. If I am not back in two hours, please look for me there.

- E

The walk to the grove felt like wading through molasses. Every step was predetermined. She tried to pause at a gate, but her hand was drawn from its latch before she could rest. Darcy was already there, pacing.

He stopped pacing when he saw her, then began again, unable to keep still.

"Elizabeth," he said. His voice was strained. "I cannot stop this. I have tried. My jaw⁠—"

"I know. It's all right."

"It is not all right. I am about to insult your family while asking to join it."

"I know. We'll get through it."

"You deserve better than a compelled proposal full of backhanded compliments and class prejudice!"

"Darcy." Elizabeth took his hand. "Just... do what you have to do. I know it's not really you. We'll laugh about it later."

"I don't want to laugh about it, I want to stop it!"

But his mouth was already opening. The words were coming.

"In vain have I struggled," Darcy said, and Elizabeth could see the horror in his eyes even as he continued. "It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Oh God, Elizabeth thought. The opening of the original Darcy proposal. Word for word.

She tried to interrupt. Her mouth wouldn't open. Darcy continued, clearly fighting every word: "In declaring myself thus, I am fully aware that I am going against the wishes of my family, my friends, and my own better judgment. Your want of connection could hardly be more unfortunate. And yet⁠—"

His jaw clenched mid-sentence. He was trying so hard to stop.

"—yet I have struggled in vain against the most violent of—no, wait, not violent⁠—"

The narrative forced the word out: "—violent affections!"

"I did not want to say violent!" Darcy shouted at the sky.

Thunder rumbled threateningly.

"Fine! Violent! My violent affections!" He turned back to Elizabeth, his expression apologetic and furious simultaneously. "I can hear every insult as I say it. I cannot bear that you must hear them too."

Elizabeth's mouth finally unlocked. "Are you done?"

"No! There are more objections to your family. I can feel them coming." He grabbed her hands. "Elizabeth, please know that none of this is what I actually think! Your mother wants her daughters secure. Your father loves you, even when he takes refuge in a joke. Your sisters matter to you. I will not reduce them to objections to your happiness."

"Darcy—"

"I wanted to tell you that I love you. I have made you endure everything else first."

Elizabeth looked down at their joined hands. His fingers were rigid with the effort of contradicting his own mouth; she turned hers beneath them so that he need not hold so tightly.

"You are allowed to stop apologizing between the insults," she said. "I know which words you are fighting."

"I wish knowing were enough to stop them." Darcy loosened his grip before he hurt her hands.

Elizabeth tried to answer in her ordinary voice. "Mr. Darcy, I appreciate your—" The wrong phrase presented itself. She could scarcely believe she must use it too. "Your violent affections."

"I wish you had never had to hear it."