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They spotted Caroline across the room, looking sour while watching Jane and Bingley dance together. Perfect target.
"Ready?" Darcy asked.
"I shall stand beside you. You must not mistake that for confidence in your plan."
They approached Caroline, who immediately brightened at seeing Darcy and soured at seeing Elizabeth.
"Mr. Darcy!" Caroline cooed. "And Miss Eliza. How... delightful."
"Miss Bingley," Darcy said. "I was just telling Miss Elizabeth about an amusing observation."
Caroline looked suspicious but intrigued. "Oh?"
"I've noticed," Darcy continued with perfect seriousness, "that the punch at these country balls is always exactly the same temperature. Not cold, not warm. Precisely lukewarm. As if there's a law about it."
Elizabeth bit her lip to keep from laughing. This was his strategy? Caroline's smile was strained. "How... observant."
"It's quite remarkable, really," Darcy pressed on. "I've attended seventeen balls this season. Lukewarm punch at every single one. You'd think someone would accidentally serve it cold. But no."
"Mr. Darcy, surely you didn't come over here to discuss punch—"
"And the biscuits!" Darcy continued. "Always the same biscuits. Small. Dry. Vaguely lemon-flavored. It's as if there's only one bakery in all of England."
Elizabeth watched Caroline's face with fascination. She looked like she was trying to figure out if this was witty banter or if Darcy had lost his mind.
"Perhaps we've been attending the same supper all season," Elizabeth offered. "Someone puts it away each morning and brings it out again when the candles are lit."
Darcy nodded gravely. "I've suspected as much. The question is: who benefits?"
Caroline stared at them both. "You're joking."
"Am I?" Darcy asked. "How can you be certain?"
Caroline's mouth twitched. Like she wanted to laugh but wasn't sure if she was allowed to. Then her expression smoothed back to its usual superior smile. "Mr. Darcy, you are most diverting this evening. Though I fear the country air may be affecting your humor."
She swept away. Elizabeth and Darcy looked at each other.
"Did that count?" Elizabeth asked. "Her mouth twitched."
"I don't think so. She suppressed it."
"So close though!"
Darcy watched Caroline go. "She didn't know what to say next. I should like a little credit for that."
"Your approach was ridiculous."
"Thank you."
"I wasn't certain you knew."
"I knew by the biscuits. I had some hope of the punch."
Darcy reached for a glass. "Now, about your Mr. Collins situation—"
A biscuit had lodged inside Darcy's cuff during their maneuvers. Elizabeth saw it when he reached for his glass, and pressed her lips together.
"What?" he asked.
