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I blink. “It is?” I think through the lyrics. Gin is the old Scots for if, so the lines basically mean: if two people meet in a field of rye (and so away from prying eyes), need anybody get upset if they kiss? It was written in the eighteenth century, at a time when society frowned upon casual romantic encounters, but the song suggests a kiss between two people isn’t something to get worked up about.

“Okay, now I think about it, I can see the connection. You and I do kiss in secret, after all.”

Lewis scoffs. “We do a lot more than that. The version you sang is the innocent one, but Burns wrote another for . . . less sensitive sorts. In it, instead of kiss, the lyric is fuck.”

“Bollocks. You’re having me on.”

“Nope.” Lewis shakes his head. “I promise you he did. That’s the only reason I know that song. When things have swear words in them, I always pay more attention.”

“But . . . people didn’t speak like that back then!” I protest.

Lewis throws his head back and laughs hard. “Ha! Characters may speak politely in the historical romances you read, with all those funny euphemisms for penises and vaginas, but the truth is, in the past, Scots were just as dirty-mouthed as we are today. The meaning of the song is: what does it matter if two people fuck in secret? Burns didn’t see any harm in casual sex. As I say, it’s our theme song.”

“Oh, wow.” I give Lewis’s hand a squeeze. “My estimation of our national bard has just gone up. It’s nice to know he’d approve of what we get up to.”

“Aye, well, I could really do with a field of rye about now, if you know what I mean.” Lewis’s dark-brown eyes meet mine, and I spy that all-too-familiar flicker of desire in his gaze.

“In February? Good luck with that.”

“You’re right. Oh well, in that case I’ll just have to find a nice secluded spot on the drive to Bannock. We’ll pull over, and you and I can have a bit of fun on the back seat.”

A thrill of excitement ripples through me. Sex in a car is something we’ve never done before. I’d quite like to tick it off the list.

“Deal. As lovely as this walk is, how about we make a move now?”

“Aye, let’s do it.”

Hand in hand, and laughing as we go, we dash for Lewis’s car, both eager to get to it as fast as we can.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

IONA

Now

“Do you think that was really Ronan Dunbar’s dick?” Maisie asks. “And not, like, a prosthetic or something?”

“Oh, it was his dick,” I assure her. “As soon as the credits rolled on that episode, I googled that very question.”

“Ha! Great minds think alike.” Maisie grins and winks. “But wow! It was some size, wasn’t it? Good on him for getting it out on camera. Makes me wonder what it looks like when it’s hard.”

We both giggle at this. We’re in the Pheasant, which is something of a Bannock institution, a charming country pub owned by Maisie’s father and where she works as a bartender. She’s off duty right now, and we’re seated near the fire, which crackles and pops as the flames dance. There’s a decent crowd of locals in, and cheerful chatter and laughter fills the air, although I’ve seen the place busier. Maisie did say she expected tonight to be a slower evening when she suggested it for our meet-up.

“It’s a good thing male nudity is finally becoming more common in TV and films,” Maisie says. “It makes things more fun for us ladies, eh?”

“I’ll drink to that,” I say, and I do, having another big gulp of white wine.

Maisie, who’s moved on to soft stuff after having one with me, chuckles and has a sip of cola.

We are, of course, talking about that scene from Highland Legacy, the big-budget TV drama that’s a mashup of Game of Thrones and Outlander, and which features a significant number of sex scenes and, yes, willies. But it wasn’t until the fourth episode of season three that the main actor, Ronan Dunbar, finally joined in on the naked fun, stirring up quite the reaction online, with screenshots and video clips being widely shared. Ronan’s penis has even been credited with causing a huge spike in the show’s viewing figures. Apparently, a lot of people who’d previously passed on Highland Legacy binge-watched it after seeing, or at least hearing about, Ronan’s appendage.

“So, how many times did you rewatch that scene?” Maisie asks coyly.

I chuckle. “A few. And you?”

“Aye, a few at the time, but by now it’s popped up so many times in chats and on message boards that I’ve honestly lost count. Anyway, I’ve always loved fantasy and dragons and all that stuff. It’s great that shows like Highland Legacy, with the help of Ronan’s willy, can make the genre more mainstream and less geeky. Have you played the video game it’s based on?”

“Nope, I’m not much of a gamer. Is it good?”